NEW

Ozzie Guillen’s Twitter Account Clearly Hacked

(Chicago, IL) - The baseball world is preparing for the start of Spring Training games, but the biggest news is still coming from off the field.

Last week, it was revealed that Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen had signed up for a Twitter account, and would be tweeting his thoughts throughout the season. Guillen, known for his no-hold’s-barred communication style, promised the experience to be fun and interesting for all of his fans.

But shortly after Guillen signed up, something must have gone wrong. Surely the tweets that started appearing couldn’t actually be coming from Ozzie. Read more »

Cubs

Ryan Dempster’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Debut Generally Ill-Received

(Chicago, IL) - The room was packed to the edges with photographers, industry leaders, friends, and family. Everything had been planned, down to the finest detail. It was a big day for Chicago Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster.

No, it wasn’t the arrival of a new child, or a post-no-hitter press conference. Today, Dempster was unveiling another side of him - not father or pitcher, but model. Ryan Dempster was at the launch party for this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. But all the planning in the world could not have prepared him for the response to come. Read more »

Baseball

Ozzie Guillen’s Twitter Account Clearly Hacked

(Chicago, IL) - The baseball world is preparing for the start of Spring Training games, but the biggest news is still coming from off the field.

Last week, it was revealed that Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen had signed up for a Twitter account, and would be tweeting his thoughts throughout the season. Guillen, known for his no-hold’s-barred communication style, promised the experience to be fun and interesting for all of his fans.

But shortly after Guillen signed up, something must have gone wrong. Surely the tweets that started appearing couldn’t actually be coming from Ozzie. Read more »

Football

Colts to Rest Starters for the Postseason to Ensure Freshness for Next Year’s Playoffs

(Indianapolis, IN) - Many fans, both of the Colts and the NFL in general, were disappointed to see the Colts pull their starters in a close game in week 16 against the New York Jets, leading to a loss, and the end of their previously undefeated season.

As head coach Jim Caldwell explained, the Colts were simply trying to maximize their chance to win in the post-season. You know, even though a team wins the Super Bowl every single year, and a team has only gone undefeated once in history. So the trade-off totally made sense.

And the Colts are poised to make another controversial decision. Read more »

Basketball

Michael Jordan Spends 35 Minutes Explaining to Grocery Clerk Why He Wouldn’t Want to be Him

(Chicago, IL) - Chicago Bulls fans will always remember Michael Jordan as the greatest basketball player of all time. In fact, most basketball fans will remember him that way.

That’s particularly true after Michael Jordan’s perplexing and self-aggrandizing Hall of Fame induction speech last month. For more than a dozen rambling, pomp-filled minutes, Jordan reminded all in attendance of just how awesome his was at basketball. It was bizarre, but at least it eventually ended, and faded from memory.

But for Tim Crossley, a clerk at Central Grocery, Jordan’s Hall of Fame speech feels like it just happened yesterday. Because it did. To him. Read more »

Other

Tiger Woods Emerges from Rehab Cured of Sex Addiction - STDs Remain

(Jackson, MS) - PGA superstar and questionable husband Tiger Woods has had a rough few months. After being busted by his wife for sexing 15 other women and one guy, Woods disappeared from the public eye while he tries to recover his battered reputation.

Where he was spending that time was something of a mystery until he recently re-emerged from a sex clinic deep in Mississippi, proclaiming that he had been cured. Well, cured of the sex addiction. Read more »