Cubs Send Jacque Jones on Impromptu Trip to Six Flags
April 23, 2008
(Chicago, IL) – Shortly after their 5-1 victory over the crosstown rival White Sox, the Chicago Cubs sent Jacque Jones packing. No, he wasn’t demoted, and he wasn’t traded. He was sent on an all-expenses paid trip to Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom for the weekend.
“I thought it was a bit strange,” Jones said via satellite phone from Six Flags. “But I wasn’t going to complain. I love rides, and the Cubs told me to ride all the rides I could this weekend, especially the one where they lift you high up and then drop you straight down. I love that one.”
“They even let me straight to the front of the line,” Jones continued. “Well actually, there really wasn’t anyone else in line, but whatever. It’s weird, though. After every time I ride it, this guy in a Cubs hat hands me a phone and it’s [Cub GM Jim] Hendry asking if I’m ok. I say ‘of course, I’m great!’ He curses and hangs up. It’s weird.”
The Cubs insist the surprise visit had nothing to do with the horrific accident that occurred at the park shortly before. “We just wanted Jacque to get away for a while, take his mind off things, and maybe drop a couple pounds,” Hendry said.
(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. [Un]fortunately Jacque is still in Chicago with the Cubs, and we do NOT mean at all to disparage the horrible accident earlier this week. No one should construe this fake article as being fact, including that last sentence. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)