Jamie Moyer Surprised to Learn Jamie Moyer is Still Playing
April 23, 2008
(Philadelphia, PA) – The average baseball fan might not realize that pitcher Jamie Moyer, 44, is still playing professional baseball. The fan might know that Moyer at one time was a successful pitcher with the Seattle Mariners, but slowly faded into obscurity after a long career in the Pacific Northwest. Where is Moyer today? He pitches – quite well – for the Philadelphia Phillies. But the average fan isn’t the only one surprised. It comes as news to Jamie Moyer, too.
“Are you serious? I’m still a professional baseball player?” Moyer stammers every fifth day when he is tasked with taking the mound for the Phillies. “I used to pitch for the Mariners, I know that, but I mean… that was a REALLY long time ago. I can’t possibly still be playing, can I?”
The Cubs, who are visiting the Phillies this weekend for a three-game set, are probably relieved they do not face Moyer, who started his career some two decades ago with the Cubs. Moyer is currently sporting a 4-2 record with a sparkling 3.00 ERA.
“Now I know you’re jerkin’ me around. You’re saying that not only am I still pitching, but I’m pitching well? Didn’t I debut like 20-some years ago?” Moyer said. “I thought there was a pretty good chance that I was dead by now.”
(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Jamie (probably) knows he’s still playing. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)