Jim Hendry aims for defensive specialist
April 23, 2008
(Chicago, IL) – Jim Hendry wanted to improve the team defense. On Wednesday, he did just that.
“We needed a new defensive presence,” Jim Hendry stated as he crammed a delicious New York Cheesecake Donut into his mouth, “and we made a move today that improves our defense. Bruce Bowen is a well known defensive machine.”
Jim Hendry was shocked to learn that he had traded for Rob Bowen, not Bruce. Bruce Bowen, of course, is a member of the San Antonio Spurs.
“That’s impossible,” Hendry continued, “the trade I made was done in order to improve the team. I am bringing in a guy who plays hard, gritty defense at a championship level.”
When Bruce Bowen was reached for comment, he seemed to concur with Jim Hendry. “I do play defense. If that’s what Mr. Hendry wants, that’s what he’ll get.”
“I find it amazing that you would believe that I, Jim Hendry, God of Baseball, would trade Michael Barrett for a backup catcher. That’s ridiculous.”
Rob Bowen could not be reached for comment. His representatives seemed to believe that the Cubs had traded for Bruce, not Rob.
(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Jim Hendry probably does not like New York Cheesecake donuts and it is debatable as to whether he refers to himself as a God of Baseball. Further, Bruce Bowen is probably not going to be a Cub. But don’t rule it out. No one should construe this fake article as being fact, including that last sentence. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway. Written by Fly.)