Local Fan Won’t Shut the Hell Up About Ohman Joke
April 23, 2008
(Chicago, IL) – “Did you freaking hear that, Jim? OH MAN, here comes Ohman! I JUST thought of that. Like right now. Can you believe it? I’m a genius!” Cubs fan Bob Curry screams, as he slaps the man sitting next to him on the back, “but it could be… Wuertz! Am I right?” In truth it seems Curry, a fan of many pun-esque jokes involving Cub players’ names, came up with the “Ohman joke” some 4 weeks ago, and hasn’t shut up about it since.
“I like to think of myself as inspirational to the other fans around me. They look up to me. I’m like their Harry (as he lifts his shirt up to reveal medically inexplicable amount of curly black hair on his chest) Caray Curry!” Curry shouts through thirsty gulps of beer and eyerolls from other fans in attendance.
Curry, known to lob such pearls as “here comes the Dumpster [referring to closer Ryan Dempster],” and the somewhat obtuse “watch out for Mark De-not as good as Sosa-Rosa!” has taken special interest in his “Ohman joke.” “I freaking love when Ohman comes in, because I get to use the joke. It’s my best one. Everyone loves it, and it’s so freaking original!”
Other fans aren’t quite as taken with Curry as he seems to think. “That guy is an idiot,” says Shirley Bask, 37. “Every time Jason Marquis pitches, he asks all the women if they want to ‘get all Marquis de Sade with him,’ whatever that means. And he won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Why? Because he wants you to say ‘Soria-No.’”
“The thing that [stinks] about Woody Woodpecker (laughs to himself) and Marcy Prior being hurt is that their hot wives don’t come to the games anymore. I used to absolutely crack them up with my jokes. They loved me, and I was this close to a crazy threesome when they [Kerry Wood and Mark Prior] went down.” Curry takes another swig of his Budweiser, thinking for a moment on what he just said, and giggles to himself. “Haha. Went down. See – sometimes I don’t even realize I’m being hilarious!”
Curry has submitted his jokes, including the “Ohman Joke” to several publications, but as of yet, only the B&I Times Monitor Standard Courier has run with the story.
(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Haha, Bob isn’t real anyway! No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)