Prior Undergoes Shoulder Surgery – McDonald’s Transfers Him from 15-day to 60-day Disabled List

April 23, 2008

(Irving Park, IL) – If you ask the average baseball fan where Mark Prior is, you will probably get a muddled “I don’t know.” If you ask the average Cubs fan where Mark Prior is, you will either get an irate “who cares?” or a dispassionate “I think he’s still rehabbing in extended spring training with the AAA club.” But if you ask a resident of Irving Park in Northwest Chicago, you’ll get a much more excited response: “That guy can sling a McGriddle like nobody’s business!”

While taking a break from baseball, Prior was recruited by the Irving Park McDonald’s to serve as one of the franchise’s five starting Associate Morning and Mid-afternoon Assistant Managers. “It’s a pretty good gig, and hey, a guy’s gotta work. Baseball wasn’t putting food on the table. So now I am. And I get a serious discount,” Prior said of the job last week.

Cubs Mark Prior at McDonalds
Prior may have served his last Mighty Kids Meal in a McDonald’s uniform.

But the news is not all good for Prior and the McDonald’s franchise. Wednesday morning, Prior underwent exploratory surgery in his right shoulder where a slight tear in his labrum was discovered. “All I’ve been asking myself the last two days is ‘Why?’ Why my flipping shoulder?” Prior lamented. “Same darn thing happened to our [french] fry guy, Larry, but it was his non-flipping shoulder. Lucky bastard.”

Prior has attempted to start flipping burgers with his left arm, but with little success. “The problem is, I have all this genetic looseness in my left shoulder, so flipping is really hard,” Prior explained.

With the franchise’s recent moving of him first to the late, late night shift, and now to the 60-day disabled list, it’s looking more and more like he will be off the job for the rest of the season. Most local restaurant pundits believe that even if he is able to come back this season it will just be for mop-up duty.

(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Mark Prior did not actually say or do these things, although I’m sure he could sling a mighty fine McGriddle if he were so inclined. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)


2 Responses to “Prior Undergoes Shoulder Surgery – McDonald’s Transfers Him from 15-day to 60-day Disabled List”

  1. Running Low on Options, Mark Prior’s Doctors Recommend Emergency Episiotomy | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Humor and Sports Parody News on May 11th, 2008 10:00 am

    [...] the future is murky for Prior. But at worst, he can always return to his old team: at McDonalds. Promote It! Hide Sites $$(‘div.d141′).each( function(e) { [...]

  2. Cubs Plan to Trade for Jake Peavy, Somehow Come Home with Mark Prior | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on November 7th, 2008 9:25 am

    [...] the former Cub and former able pitcher, had nominally been with the Padres last year before continued injuries [...]

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