Wife Boos Alex Rodriguez

April 23, 2008

cynthia rodriguez bikini

(New York, NY) – Citing a dramatic increase in “un-clutch” performance, Alex Rodriguez’s wife, Cynthia, began booing him late Thursday night, and has not yet stopped. “Look, he gets a whole lot here to be my husband, and I expect a certain level of performance for that commitment,” Cynthia said. “Alex is the kind of guy that has great home stats, sure. But they are completely empty stats. He’s great when it’s late and he’s alone, and I’m already ‘doing fine,’ if you know what I mean. But when it’s tight, and I really need him to come through for me, he flops. The fact is, he’s soft.”

Rodriguez has not yet decided if he would accept a trade to another wife. “I love my wife, I respect her. I’m happy here. But I understand that if she thinks it’s time to move on, I should respect that, too. Paula Robinson, down the street, has added a lot [to her chest] this offseason, so I could see that being a good fit.”

-Flexwell G. Puckerpants, beat writer, Times Monitor Standard Courier

(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the B&I Times Monitor Standard Courier is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)


5 Responses to “Wife Boos Alex Rodriguez”

  1. Augie Ojeda Excluded from Home Run Derby for “The last damn time” | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Humor, Sports Parody News, and Cubs Blog on July 15th, 2008 7:40 am

    [...] derby – no active home run leader in Ken Griffey, Jr., no season home run leader in Ryan Howard, no New York home run star in Alex Rodriguez. But one player says none of that matters. He is the man who really should have been there. And his [...]

  2. oscar alvarez on June 25th, 2009 11:03 pm

    hey watz up tihs is oscar alvarez im 8 years old i play for a little league in unicoi county TN,o been playing for 2 years n this year the pic me for the stars thas a team of the best of the season and really wanna keep playin, so iwaz thinking if u could help me whit a globe im left handed a bat n a baseball n if u do help me can u sing it for me thanks one day i wanna be like you……..thank you

  3. Anonymous on February 2nd, 2010 4:17 pm


  4. jitendra patel on January 12th, 2011 9:08 am

    it very funy

  5. Anonymous on January 27th, 2013 3:38 pm

    Did better back then then he does now…i don’t think he deserves to be booed by anyone though…hes getting older plus he’s had a few surgerys and alot of injurys

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