Wife Boos Alex Rodriguez
April 23, 2008
(New York, NY) – Citing a dramatic increase in “un-clutch” performance, Alex Rodriguez’s wife, Cynthia, began booing him late Thursday night, and has not yet stopped. “Look, he gets a whole lot here to be my husband, and I expect a certain level of performance for that commitment,” Cynthia said. “Alex is the kind of guy that has great home stats, sure. But they are completely empty stats. He’s great when it’s late and he’s alone, and I’m already ‘doing fine,’ if you know what I mean. But when it’s tight, and I really need him to come through for me, he flops. The fact is, he’s soft.”
Rodriguez has not yet decided if he would accept a trade to another wife. “I love my wife, I respect her. I’m happy here. But I understand that if she thinks it’s time to move on, I should respect that, too. Paula Robinson, down the street, has added a lot [to her chest] this offseason, so I could see that being a good fit.”
-Flexwell G. Puckerpants, beat writer, Times Monitor Standard Courier
(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the B&I Times Monitor Standard Courier is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)
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[...] derby – no active home run leader in Ken Griffey, Jr., no season home run leader in Ryan Howard, no New York home run star in Alex Rodriguez. But one player says none of that matters. He is the man who really should have been there. And his [...]
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