Chicago Cubs Pull Racist Shirt, Public Relations Department Kicks Off Ill-Conceived “We So Solly” Campaign
April 25, 2008
(Chicago, IL) – The Chicago Cubs have halted production of an unlicensed Kosuke Fukudome shirt containing offensive material. The shirt bore the traditional Cubs bear face, but with slanted eyes and wearing Harry Caray-style glasses. It was accompanied by the words “Horry Kow!” written in a “Japanese” script.
After ensuring that the racist shirt would no longer be sold, the Chicago Cubs Public Relations machine spun into action. “We just want our fans to know – we want Kosuke to know – and especially our Asian fans, that we will never let something like this happen again,” Cubs Director of Public Relations Kim Waters said Saturday afternoon. “Well, unless the product is officially licensed, of course.”
To show that their complete contrition, the Cubs have planned a series of events, which the team has called the “We So Solly” campaign.
“That’s right, ‘We So Solly,’” Waters said. “We think it really shows that we understand what our Asian fans are about. What they are going through, and what they sound like.” When reporters immediately pointed out the fact that the campaign’s title is probably itself offensive, Waters blanched only slightly. “Yes, well, perhaps. But the elements of the campaign, that’s where we really become sensitive to our Asian fans, and show our love.”
The campaign, which kicks off with next week’s karaoke competition, will be comprised of a variety of events, taking place at Wrigley and elsewhere. Highlights – or, more accurately, lowlights – include “Yellow Fever Night,” where fans are encouraged to where yellow, and an upcoming home game where the guest conductor for the Seventh Inning Stretch will be “Godjirra.” Again, reporters were quick to question the wisdom, and humanity of such an offensive string of events. And once again, Waters was quick to deflect.
“I’m sorry, but I just don’t see anything wrong with showing our love and understanding for our Asian fans. And with ‘Half-size Hot Dog Night,’ I think we do just that.”
(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. The Cubs would never plan a campaign like this. And I completely made up this Kim Waters person. Did you try to look her up? Gullible. No one should construe this fake article as being fact (except that it kinda is). Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)