Corey Hart Tired of Everyone Suggesting He Switch His Auto Insurance Provider
April 25, 2008
“The first time some fan behind the plate yelled at me about switching my auto insurance to GEICO, I just brushed it off,” said Hart. “But the next day, [Brewers left fielder] Ryan Braun asked me if my current auto insurance provider’s [Allstate] Web site is intuitive enough to meet my needs. After that, the public interest in my insurance needs skyrocketed. I don’t get it. Do people think I’m a bad driver or something?”
“WHAT THE [HECK] IS SO [GOSH DARN] SPECIAL ABOUT MOTHER [FLIPPING] GEICO, ANYWAY? TELL ME!”
Hart’s driving record is clean and he hasn’t made an insurance claim since his teenage years when he got into a minor fender-bender in the Waffle House parking lot in his hometown of Bowling Green, Kentucky. With a wife and three kids, his rates are very reasonable and he has never had an issue with Allstate.
“Yeah. You’re right — my driving record is solid. Can you see why I’m confused?” asked Hart. “Is there something I’m missing? Does GEICO have some sort of nationwide referral program?”
GEICO spokeswoman Eileen Speidel was contacted earlier this week and informed the Times Monitor Standard Courier that there is no nationwide referral program.
“Oh, by the way…if anyone runs into Ned Yost, could you tell him that I can pay my bills online with Allstate just fine and I don’t need to take a look at the easy and eye-appealing layout at www.geico.com. You can also tell him he’s an a-hole, while you’re at it.”
When contacted by the Times Monitor Standard Courier, Hart’s agent replied, “Do you know this Speidel chick over at GEICO? Ever since you contacted her, she’s been all over my back about some sort of endorsement deal for my client. Do I need to make an official statement? Fine. Here goes — Mr. Hart is 100% satisfied with his current auto insurance provider. He has no plans to switch his coverage now or in the future. OK? Got it?”
(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. We’re unsure of who actually insures Corey Hart’s vehicles…but someone should really let him know how easy GEICO’s Web site is to navigate. Really. It’s incredibly easy. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway. Article by Geoff Stone – visit Bricks and Ivy Radio at www.bricksandivyradio.com)