“Eccentric” Owner George Steinbrenner Leaving Yankees to Become Crazy Old F*ck
April 25, 2008
(New York, NY) – Change is in the New York air after another abrupt Yankee exit from the playoffs. Was it Joe Torre’s last as manager of the Yankees? Will Alex Rodriguez opt out of his contract and become a free agent? Such changes will have to wait, because perhaps the biggest change possible has already happened: George Steinbrenner will no longer be running the team.
Steinbrenner, who will continue to serve in a nominal role, has owned the team for decades, and has run the team with what some have euphemistically dubbed a pleasant eccentricty. Whether it was publicly threatening to trade players or fire managers, or requiring players to honor rigorous grooming standards, Steinbrenner has always been a bit strange.
And now that he’s leaving the Yankees, that’s really all he’s going to be.
“When he was running the team, it made a little more sense to do whatever Mr. Steinbrenner told me,” General Manager Brian Cashman said. “But now that he’s just a regular old guy, it’s a little strange when he asks me to pop out of a giant birthday cake in a diaper and sing ‘Happy Birthday, Mr. President.’”
Yankees coach Don Mattingly agreed. “Before, when he told me to shave something, I figured fine, whatever, he’s the boss, you know? But now it just feels weird. And frankly, there’s only so much I can shave.”
“I am not crazy!” an indignant Steinbrenner shouted at a parking meter last Friday. “I’m eccentric, rich, smelly, crazy, and ruggedly bow-legged. But I am not a haberdasher!”
Steinbrenner plans to retire to a bench by his favorite lake where he can feed/thumb-wrestle the ducks, and debate the merits of hip hop music versus the color green with other special members of the New York community.
(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. George Steinbrenner probably is a nut job, but that’s not for me to say. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)