Giants Bring Home Elusive Championship to the Long-Suffering Fans of New York
April 25, 2008
(New York, NY) – One week after the New York Giants defeated the previously undefeated New England Patriots in one of the most exciting Super Bowl’s in recent memory, the people of New York City are still buzzing about their first championship in literally years.
“We were just happy to do this for our fans, the fans of New York,” Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning said. “It’s a city of loss and heartbreak, so for us to finally bring a championship after all those long years is really special for us.”
It had been nearly an entire decade since New York’s last major championship. The Giants hadn’t won a Super Bowl since Scott Norwood’s gift wide right in 1991. The Knicks haven’t won it all since 1973 – although they seemed poised to make a run at the title any year now with Isaiah Thomas at the helm. The New York Rangers won the Stanley Cup in 1994, but hockey doesn’t really count.
One has to reach all the way back to the year 2000 to find New York’s last major championship. Remember those days? Computers were … well, kind of like they are now. But the Internet was … well, a little smaller, I guess.
The New York Yankees, winners of only 25 chamionships at that time, faced their cross-town rivals, the New York Mets – the good people of New York were assured a championship either way!
New York City had surpassed Philadelphia as the most suffering city, in terms of major sports championships. Philadelphia had gone longer without a championship, but New York is louder, and thus cares more.
“Thank God is all I can say,” New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg mused at the Giants’ victory parade. “I was so sick of hearing about how we were the ‘Winless Metropolis,’ or the ‘City that Never Wins.’ All I can do now is pray that we don’t have to wait another long, miserable seven years for another championship. We just don’t deserve it.”
(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. The quotes are fake… the heartache is real. Psyche! Remember when people used to say “psyche”? No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)