NEWSBRIEF: Brett Favre Retires to Pursue Writing, Directing and No-Inflection Monotone Acting Career

April 25, 2008

“I could play another 15 years, sure,” the retiring Green Bay Packer Quarterback said Tuesday. “But I want to explore other opportunities, like Tiki Barber. Ever since my Academy Award-winning performance in ‘There’s Something About Mary,’ I’ve just felt bitten by the bug. The Hollywood bug. I’ve even got a script. Check it out. ‘There’s Something About Mary 2: There’s Still Something About Mary’s Hair.’ I come back, kick that loser Ted’s butt, and me and Mary make sure her hair is always stuck up. Know what I’m saying?”