OPINION: Prince Fielder’s Mom is a Slut

April 25, 2008

by Rich Hill

Prince Fielder is a good hitter. A frustrating hitter. He makes a lot of good pitchers look bad, and he’s still such a young guy. He’s had an incredible start to his career.

But you know what? His mom is a huge slut.

It had to be said. I know it sounds like bitterness, but it’s not. The world has a right to know such critical information. There was a time when I probably wouldn’t have said it; nay, probably wouldn’t have believed it. But that day is not this day. I feel compelled to shout it loud and proud from the rooftops.

I could have written you today about how the “J.J.” in J.J. Hardy stands for Jiant Jerkoff, or about how Corey Hart is the worst Corey Hart in 20 years. But no, the Fielder issue is far too important to let lie for any longer.

Yes, sir, Prince Fielder’s mom is a slut.

And I have proof.

Have you ever seen Cecil Fielder? Yeah. She did that.

Cecil Fielder

(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Rich Hill did not write this piece, and presumably, Prince Fielder’s mom is a wonderful woman. No one should construe this fake article as being fact, including that last sentence. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)

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