Tennis Vixen Anna Kournikova Loses Another Tournament; You Would Still Bang Her
April 25, 2008
(Orlando, FL) – Beautiful tennis player Anna Kournikova, better known for her looks than her tennis playing, recently lost another tournament. Kournikova was participating in the Denny’s Diabetes Challenge, a charity event in Orlando featuring a field comprised of celebrities, children, and diabetics – none of whom were actual tennis players. Kournikova bowed out in the first round, losing 6-1, 6-0 to diabetic New Years Rockin’ Eve host Dick Clark, who was using the tournament as he rehabilitates from a 2004 stroke.
But the news isn’t all bad for Kournikova.
You’d totally still bang her.
“Yeah, I know she sucks at tennis,” you told your friends Thursday night. “But I’d still hit it.”
As if your friends were skeptical, you thought it necessary to continue to reassure them. “No, seriously, I’d totally still bang her. Good at tennis, bad at tennis. Whatever, you know? She’s beautiful, and I’d make time for her.”
You even went so far as to state that you would “definitely pick Kournikova” if given the choice between bedding Anna Kournikova and beautiful and actually talented tennis player Maria Sharapova, and/or sexy race-car driver Danica Patrick. You weren’t sure if you’d pick her over beautiful reporter Erin Andrews, though.
You also confirmed that you would still “do her” if she were missing an arm or a foot, if she was anti-semetic, or if she “had a really tiny penis.”
(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Anna actually hasn’t played in any kind of tournament for like 2 years. You’d still bang her, though. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)