Women’s College Basketball Tournament Finally Arrives!
April 25, 2008
The Women’s College Basketball Tournament is here!!!
Perhaps recognizing that not all college enthusiasts have the same interest in women’s college basketball as this writer, Women’s NCAA Tournament Director Rocco Metini has launched a newly-crafted campaign designed to attract new viewers for the tournament.
“We believe our tournament has so much to offer, but people just dont’ know about it,” Metini said Sunday. “So we’re going to do everything we can to get the word out that if you want to see the world’s best fundamentals, including both bounce and chest passes, ours is the tournament for you.”
Metini said that the campaign would be launched this week, commensurate with the later rounds of the tournament, but he was willing to share a few tidbits.
“Well, we know that sex sells,” Metini said with an almost childish glee. “So the very first thing we’re going to do with this campaign, is not show a single picture of any of our players.”
“We’ve got an idea to have a three-pronged attack. If you hate dunks, athleticism, or any kind of excitement at all, we’ve got everything you could hope for in a post-season tournament,” Metini continued. “And we also want to highlight our most popular shot: A heaving three pointer, chucked from where there should be a heaving bossom, but there isn’t. Whether that is due to the ridiculous flattening effect of today’s powerful sports bras or the ridiculous flattening effect of today’s powerful rhinocerus testosterone, we really don’t care. It’s fabulous either way.”
Metini also promises “30 to 35 percent more nappy headed hoes this year, with an eye on a 50 percent increase by 2010,” and concluded that “real March Madness” is cramming 15 big, angry man-chicks on a tiny bus, all on the same cycle.
(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. This article is miscegenistic garbage, and I can’t believe you even read it. Besides, there are like, at least 1 or 2 attractive women’s college basketball players. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)