Former Cubs Manager Lee Elia on Tirade 25 Years Later: “I’m pretty f*@&ing embarrassed”

April 29, 2008

head in hands

(Seattle, WA) – Two and a half decades ago, after a dismal 5-14 start by his Chicago Cubs, manager Lee Elia let loose an expletive-filled tirade not since seen in the sports world. The rant, which lasted some three odd minutes, has reached legendary status among Cubs fans, and among those who hate the Cubs. Perhaps most notably, Elia shouted in the tirade: “Eighty-five percent of the [flippin'] world is working. The other fifteen come out here. A [flippin'] playground for the [persons who perform fellatio].”

So where is Elia today? And what does he think about the rant that made him infamous?

Today, Elia is an “on-field consultant” for the Seattle Mariners, and he wants everyone to know how sorry and embarrassed he is by his rant. “Oh yeah, that thing. Yeah, I’m pretty [freaking] embarrassed about that,” Elia said as contritely as he could. “I certainly don’t lose control like that anymore, and I don’t swear as much. But yeah, I’ve been [flippin'] embarrassed about that [gosh darn] thing since I said the [freaker].”

“I mean really,” Elia continued, “who [freaking] talks like that? Who the [stuff] loses control like that? I think it’s pretty ri-[gosh darn]-diculous that an angry [man-member mouth-toucher] like me can get away with [stuff] like that.”

“I know that I’ve never done [stuff] like that since. No [flippin'] way. I’d be a real son of a [female dog, or if you prefer, urban slang for 'woman'] if I did it again.”

After a few moments of silent reflection, Elia remarked, “[Stuff]. I did it again, didn’t I? [Person who has intercourse with a mother]. I’m sorry. I’m getting better, though, I promise.”

For readers who want to hear the Elia rant in its entirety, we have the infamous Lee Elia tirade right here. But we must warn you: It is ultra-mega unsafe for work. Enjoy.

(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Lee Elia did not say these things (again). No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)

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