Roger Clemens on Alleged Affair with 15 Year Old: “I would never bang a chick that ugly”

May 12, 2008

Mindy McCready aka Roger Clemens Ugly Affair

(Houston, TX) – Last week, the media was abuzz with allegations that pitcher Roger Clemens – already torn asunder by claims that he had used performance-enhancing drugs to achieve his success – had an affair with country singer Mindy McCready when she was just 15 years old. On Monday, Clemens finally responded.“First, I want everyone to understand that I have done nothing wrong,” Clemens read from a prepared statement. “I would never, ever sleep with a 15 year old girl like that. Because she’s ugly. Really, really ugly.”

“What kind of a monster would sleep with a girl-monster like that? Certainly not me,” Clemens said emphatically.

“Just because I was willing to break certain laws and Major League Baseball rules with regards to drugs, doesn’t mean I would be willing to break other laws and rules. Some of which are the most important laws and rules out there. I’m not aware of any laws or rules against shagging teenagers, but I know there’s a law against banging super-fugs. And there’s a rule that if you ever do give in to the urge to bed an ugly neighbor or a hideous but willing babysitter, you never ever admit to it. I believe I’m honoring such rules here today.”

(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Roger did not say these things, and we make no judgments as to whether or not he banged the above-pictured ugmo. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)

Comments

2 Responses to “Roger Clemens on Alleged Affair with 15 Year Old: “I would never bang a chick that ugly””

  1. Roger Clemens » Roger Clemens on Alleged Affair with 15 Year Old: “I would never … on May 13th, 2008 1:09 pm

    [...] Ace wrote an interesting post today on Roger Clemens on Alleged Affair with 15 Year Old: âI would never …Here’s a quick excerpt(Houston, TX) – Last week, the media was abuzz with allegations that pitcher Roger Clemens – already torn asunder by claims that he had used performance-enhancing drugs to achieve his success – had an affair with country singer Mindy … [...]

  2. Mindy Mccready » Roger Clemens on Alleged Affair with 15 Year Old: “I would never bang a chick that ugly” on May 13th, 2008 3:42 pm

    [...] the foreigner mary mccormack scandal wrote an interesting post today on Roger Clemens on Alleged Affair with 15 Year Old: âI would never bang a chick that uglyâHere’s a quick excerpt (Houston, TX) – Last week, the media was abuzz with allegations that pitcher Roger Clemens – already torn asunder by claims that he had used performance-enhancing drugs to achieve his success – had an affair with country singer Mindy McCready when she was just 15 years old. On Monday, Clemens finally responded.“First, I want everyone to understand that I have done nothing wrong,” Clemens read from a prepared statement. “I would never, ever sleep with a 15 year old girl like that. Because she’ [...]

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