Lance Berkman “incredibly excited” about May 25th

May 21, 2008

Astros Lance Berkman Excited

(Houston, TX) – Chemistry is important in the game of baseball. Some weigh it more heavily than others, but it’s safe to say that everyone places some value on the intangible. There is one member of the Houston Astros, however, that truly values team chemistry: Lance Berkman.

“I just think it’s important for me to step up now that Craig Biggio and Brad Ausmus are gone,” Berkman would state. When told that Brad Ausmus is still on the team, Berkman smirked and gave a sarcastic “sure he is.”

Berkman then told The Brickyard of his plans for May 25th, also known as the birthday of new Astros shortstop Miguel Tejada.

“Well, Miggy…that’s what I call him, you know? Miggy. He gets ‘miggy’ with it, yo,” Berkman began, “anyways, Miggy has had a rough year. He’s been ambushed by both George Mitchell and E:60. And worst of all, it turns out that he has missed out on two birthday parties. So on May 25th, I am going to buy Miggy three birthday cakes!”

Miguel Tejada was touched by the gesture, but a little confused at the same time.

“Every birthday party that I’ve ever been to involving Lance has involved three birthday cakes,” Tejada explained, “he can justify it however he wants. I just hope I get a slice this time.”

(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)


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