Cubs Drop Series to Astros in Some Kind of Stupid Miniature Golf Park

May 22, 2008

Minute Maid Park Astros Stupid

(Houston, TX) – The Chicago Cubs came into their series against the Houston Astros as one of the hottest teams in the league, but leave slightly beaten down, after losing two of three to the Astros. The Cubs really aren’t even sure how it happened – and worse still, they aren’t really even sure what they were playing. It was either baseball, or miniature golf. The Astros ballpark, Minute Maid Park, made it impossible to tell.“It was frustrating to lose this series,” Cubs catcher Geovanny Soto said on the way out of town. “We thought we had the hang of this park by the second game. You know, the slopes, the walls, the windmills. But we just couldn’t score enough runs, or alternatively, we just couldn’t get the ball in the hole.”

Minute Maid Park, best known for a giant slope in center field, a short porch in left, a big pole in the playing field, and a train that runs over the left field wall, certainly looks more like a miniature golf course than a baseball park. And it can be a tricky park to get used to. “I think I got the hang of the hill [in center field],” new Cub Jim Edmonds said, “but I couldn’t get the ball past the train. I kept getting blocked by that damn thing.”

“We all struggled with the park,” third baseman Aramis Ramirez said. “I managed to sink a 350 footer from the fringe, but I never could get the ball in the clown’s mouth. Lance Berkman never opened his mouth.”

(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Although I’m dead serious that Minute Maid Park is a glorified mini-golf course. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)


4 Responses to “Cubs Drop Series to Astros in Some Kind of Stupid Miniature Golf Park”

  1. Astros Fan on May 22nd, 2008 10:43 am

    The lameness of this post is only outdone by the ineptness of the baby bears. Enjoy 1st in the division while you can.

    Chicago Cubs – sucking since 1908!

  2. Ace on May 22nd, 2008 9:08 pm

    Holy crap, a heckler? I love it.

    You can defend the ‘Stros all you want, but you gotta agree with me: That ballpark is a joke.

  3. Jessy on June 12th, 2008 5:33 am

    As I am a baseball lover, I try to watch games whenever I have time. But, for me, and without doubt for thousands of other fans all over the world, I love the Houston Astros and I do my best to attend their games though we notice that Astros tickets got a little pricy and hard to be found especially when we talk about some hot games. The Houston Astros tickets are a little pricy but this should not prevent us from fallowing our favourite team and support it, and this is what means to be a good fan.

  4. Battle for Fourth Place Reaches Fever Pitch as Astros Trade for Randy Wolf | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Humor, Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on July 25th, 2008 7:30 am

    [...] place is just not in the cards for us this year,” Wade conceded. “But we’ve got a great ballpark, and now with Wolf, we’ve got a mediocre team. That should make our fans excited to come out [...]

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