Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive

May 24, 2008

Danica Patrick Ass

(Indianapolis, IN) – Thousands will flock this Memorial Day weekend to Indianapolis, Indiana to watch racing’s biggest event: The Indianapolis 500. But perhaps the larger story is the ever-increasing popularity of one of the drivers.

Danica Patrick – as well known for her sexy physique and stunning looks as her sport – is a tremendous success story, and it is no surprise that fans have been drawn to her. But that doesn’t mean her story isn’t full of surprises.

Danica Patrick was born in Beloit, Wisconsin in 1982 with driving in her blood. Clearly a prodigy, she showed an aptitude for successful driving when she was licensed by the state to drive an automobile at the unprecidented age of 16.

“I didn’t really think of myself as different,” Patrick recalls. “I just knew that if pressed on the right pedal the car would go, and the left would make it stop. And the wheel was for turning. It all just made sense to me.”

Danica Patrick Swimsuit

And Patrick did not stop there. Though stop signs, parallel parking, turn signals, traffic lights, assured distance, speed limits, and paying attention while driving were never her strong suits, Patrick was able to particpate in a sport where none of those concerns could cause her any problems.

“I started racing at a very young age,” Patrick said. “I didn’t really win much, but I always looked good. Putting on makeup while taking sharp turns going 150 miles per hour isn’t easy, and usually I didn’t crash.”

It wasn’t long before the Indy Racing League – the pinnacle of what a driver can accomplish – came calling for Danica Patrick. “I knew we wanted her from the moment I saw her,” League chairman Petros Stauck revealed earlier this week. “I mean look at her. We initially recruited her to be one of those sexy babes who holds up signs in the pit area in a bikini. But then I saw her in a parking lot get into a car on the freaking driver’s side. I thought to myself, ‘how cute, she’s confused.’ But then all of the sudden, the car starts, and it pulls away! Without hitting more than a couple other cars’ bumpers!”

Danica Patrick Topless

Patrick’s leaguemates agree that her story is impressive. “The really amazing part here is not that she is able to successfully compete in the Indy Racing League,” fellow racer Marco Andretti said, “it’s the fact that she’s able to drive an automobile at all. Similarly, the fact that she’s a sexy woman doesn’t make it more surprising, it’s just the fact that she’s a woman at all. Did I mention that I’m single, by the way?”

Patrick will take the wheel on Sunday at the Indy 500, and who knows what will happen. Maybe her surprising story will taken another unexpected turn, and she will be rewarded with her greatest victory yet. But maybe, just maybe, she’s already achieved more success than anyone could have expected.

She has nice boobs. Not as nice as Erin Andrews’ body, though.

(In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. We would NEVER lower ourselves to such a level as to make women driver jokes. That’s lame. But we would find any excuse possible to post pictures of Danica Patrick. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.)

Comments

20 Responses to “Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive”

  1. Gregster on May 24th, 2008 3:01 pm

    She may be hotter as a driver coming into this race then she looks and that is hot!

  2. おじさんはエチまる on May 24th, 2008 10:27 pm

    xxx—–xxxx…

    さとみのおっぱいおっぱい…

  3. Pages tagged "sexy" on May 25th, 2008 5:01 am

    [...] tagged sexyOwn a WordPress blog? Make monetization easier with the WP Affiliate Pro plugin. Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive saved by 9 others     helgaust bookmarked on 05/25/08 | [...]

  4. Tennis Vixen Anna Kournikova Loses Another Tournament; You Would Still Bang Her | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Humor, Sports Parody News, and Cubs Resources on July 1st, 2008 9:55 pm

    [...] You even went so far as to state that you would “definitely pick Kournikova” if given the choice between bedding Anna Kournikova and beautiful and actually talented tennis player Maria Sharapova, and/or sexy race-car driver Danica Patrick. [...]

  5. Anonymous on August 11th, 2008 6:30 am

    I want this woman in the picture to do naked pictures.please!

  6. MLB Uses Instant Replay to Repeatedly Oggle Erin Andrews | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on September 2nd, 2008 7:53 am

    [...] inappropriate and laughably immature when people use technological advancements as a platform to objectify women like [...]

  7. Anonymous on December 29th, 2008 9:38 pm

    she can drive…….but soes she give good HEAD.

  8. NEWSBRIEF: Reggie Bush on Relationship with Kim Kardashian: “There’s a chick attached to that ass?” | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on January 9th, 2009 11:04 pm

    [...] Kim Kardashian sexy pictures to follow (not that we’ve done it before with Megan Fox, Danica Patrick, Anna Kournikova, and Erin [...]

  9. DanPughfromdillsburgPA on May 19th, 2010 3:01 am

    ooo and checkout her bf wat a hottie….god i want both of them teehe:)

  10. swent on October 10th, 2010 9:07 pm

    she is so fuckin hot
    i wacked off to her photos

  11. butt futter on October 27th, 2010 5:41 pm

    she is not hot. maybe a 6… barley. NASCAR is stupid; just about everyone is capable of steering left

  12. the stop snoring exercise program download on June 21st, 2014 7:56 pm

    the stop snoring exercise program download

    Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive | The Cubs Brickyard – Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog

  13. back-ups on July 30th, 2014 11:03 pm

    back-ups

    Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive | The Cubs Brickyard – Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog

  14. nowoczesne meble i szafy on August 5th, 2014 12:50 am

    nowoczesne meble i szafy

    Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive | The Cubs Brickyard – Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog

  15. 8 ball pool hack online on October 7th, 2014 1:12 am

    8 ball pool hack online

    Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive | The Cubs Brickyard – Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog

  16. cách email marketing hiệu quả on October 13th, 2014 7:26 am

    cách email marketing hiệu quả

    Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive | The Cubs Brickyard – Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog

  17. idea fab back cover price on October 16th, 2014 8:45 am

    idea fab back cover price

    Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive | The Cubs Brickyard – Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog

  18. automatic door chicken coop on October 18th, 2014 4:48 am

    automatic door chicken coop

    Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive | The Cubs Brickyard – Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog

  19. idea magna back cover price in india on October 18th, 2014 8:22 am

    idea magna back cover price in india

    Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive | The Cubs Brickyard – Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog

  20. artificial insemination single women on October 22nd, 2014 4:59 am

    artificial insemination single women

    Sexy Woman Named Danica Patrick Able to Drive | The Cubs Brickyard – Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog

Got something to say?

You must be logged in to post a comment.