Carlos Zambrano Beats San Diego Padres, Michael Barrett with Bat

June 3, 2008

Carlos Zambrano Break Bat

(San Diego, CA) – The Chicago Cubs kept their hot streak going, defeating the San Diego Padres last night in Petco Park 7-6. Carlos Zambrano started for the Cubs, and it pitted him against Padre catcher and former teammate Michael Barrett for the first time since the two got into a much-publicized fight last year. Following the fight – in which Zambrano reportedly beat Barrett silly – and other illicit escapades, Barrett was shipped off to San Diego.

It seems Zambrano once again got the best of Barrett last night. Before, during, and after the game.

Perhaps anticipating there might still be bad blood, Barrett approached Zambrano before the game with a peace offering, as a nerd approaches a bully before school hoping to avoid the inevitable swirlie. Witnesses say that Barrett offered Zambrano “three or four” boxes of Twinkies, and pleaded with Zambrano to “take them and leave [him] alone.” Zambrano apparently smiled with his crazy eyes, and walked away.

During the game, Zambrano smacked three hits for the Cubs, including a game-tying RBI triple. He also had his way with Barrett, striking him out twice, and staring him down at the plate. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, it was the first time that a Major League player had literally crapped his pants at the plate.

But after the game was where Zambrano really made Barrett feel the pain. The pain being the receiving end of a Louisville Slugger. Zambrano reportedly found Barrett outside of the Padre clubhouse, and shrieked in maniacal broken English that “first I beat your team with my bat, now I beat you with bat! Taste the wood, monster!” At that point, Zambrano proceeded to beat Michael Barrett like a pinata he thought was full of delicious Venezuelan candy.

No one knows what is in store for the next time the two face each other. Was this just “getting even” for Zambrano? Does Barrett have the ball to try and get back at Zambrano? Only time will tell.

In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. The two didn’t actually get into a scrape after or during the game. And everyone was quietly a little disappointed. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.


2 Responses to “Carlos Zambrano Beats San Diego Padres, Michael Barrett with Bat”

  1. Jesssy on June 9th, 2008 12:00 pm

    My best team of MLB is The San Diego Padres . This why I always fallow their games especially whenever I have some time. I’m always trying not o miss any of their game and hear about the team’s news. But The San Diego Padres tickets get more pricy especially when there are some hot games. But, if we’re really good fans we should try not to be mean when we’re talking about a favourite teams. It’s not only the Padres tickets that got pricy, but there are other major teams too, so the team needs our support and we should provide as much as we can.

  2. SPECIAL REPORT: ZambranoGate - or; How Carlos Zambrano Learned to Stop Fighting the Crazy, and Start Fighting Michael Barrett | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on September 16th, 2008 9:01 pm

    [...] Update: Zambrano and Barrett have gone at it again. [...]

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