Detroit Red Wings Awarded Stanley Cup Under Shroud of Mystery, Apathy
June 5, 2008
(Pittsburgh, PA) – The NHL revealed late Wednesday night that it had selected this year’s Stanley Cup winner: The Detroit Red Wings. The sports world’s best kept secret began leaking when a few conspiracy theorist types claimed they had seen the Red Wings win the Cup live on television. While the NHL denied such ridiculous claims, the League did eventually decide it was best to let the cat out of the bag.
“We can now confirm that the Detroit Red Wings have been awarded the 2008 Stanley Cup. Congratulations, and apologies to our runner-up, the Pittsburgh Pirates, or something like that, and their star Sidney Crosby,” and NHL press release read.
Though it is nice to know who has won the Cup, some people wonder why the NHL didn’t just play a season this year, and have the traditional Stanley Cup playoffs to determine the winner.
“I don’t get it,” sports fan Eddie Piflin said Thursday. “I never heard a word about the NHL this year, so I’m just assuming they skipped the whole season and the playoffs, and then just up and awarded the Stanley Cup to the Red Wings. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really care.”
Those same conspiracy theorist types who claim they saw the Red Wings actually play and win the Stanley Cup on television also claim there was in fact an NHL season this year.
“Bullpucky – ha, hear what I did there?” Piflin said. “If there had been a season, I would have noticed, probably. Heck, it would have been the first NHL season they’ve had since Wayne Gretzky retired.”
In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. There was actually a season and playoffs this year – the media just did a really good job of keeping it on the down low. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.