Magic Johnson’s AIDS-Celtics Analogy Falls Flat
June 9, 2008
(Boston, MA) – The NBA Finals are in full swing as two titans of basketball lore do battle: the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers. But perhaps the biggest news is coming from ABC’s coverage of the series, not from the series, itself.
Former Los Angeles Laker point guard turned ABC commentator, Ervin “Magic” Johnson made controversial comments after Game One last Thursday that seemed to somehow compare the Boston Celtics basketball team to acquired immune deficiency syndrome, otherwise known as AIDS.
“I have faced many inglorious opponents in my life,” Johnson said. “But the two most difficult, by far, have been the Boston Celtics and AIDS.”
Johnson was diagnosed with the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), the precursor to AIDS, in 1991.
“Sure, AIDS can bring pulmonary infections, neurological disorders and tumors,” Johnson continued. “But the Celtics could bring Larry Bird, Robert Parrish and Kevin McHale. In my mind, there’s just no comparison. The Celtics were the toughest opponent.”
Johnson’s ABC colleague sat in stunned silence, and before anyone could change the subject, he continued.
“Heck, I’m not even sure I have AIDS anymore. I must have licked it. But see, just look out there on the court tonight. The Celtics keep coming back. That just proves that they are the toughest enemy I have ever faced.”
“But I do want to take this opportunity to say something. I’m not saying AIDS has not been a fierce opponent. It has, and it’s dangerous. Learn from my mistake, kids. No matter what your name is, there is no such thing as a magic johnson. You can still get the HIV and AIDS.”
In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, intended for humor, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Yeah, this is one of those where we feel compelled to say THIS IS REEEEALLY FICTIONAL. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.