Volquez, Harang elect to schedule offseason Tommy John surgery
June 11, 2008
(Cininnati, OH) – Dr. James Andrews was shocked to receive phone calls from Reds co-aces, Edinson Volquez and Aaron Harang, on Thursday.
“I was finishing up another meal paid for by the Chicago Cubs and Mark Prior when my office got a call from the Reds,” Dr. Andrews stated, “when they scheduled the appointments for after the year, I was immediately befuddled.”
Neither Harang or Volquez require the surgery. Yet. But after seeing the damage that one Dusty Baker has done to past pitchers – those of the Chicago Cubs being notable examples – coupling it with Volquez averaging 100 pitches per start and Harang being forced into pitching four innings of relief during an extra inning contest, the two thought they might as well get their names on the books.
“Let’s be realistic,” Harang said, “we’re going on the shelf. I just hope we didn’t schedule it for too late in the year.”
“I’d hate to take money from this fine organization, one that would hire a great baseball mind like Dusty Baker, without being able to perform,” Harang continued with a wink and a nod.
“Volquez deciding to make an appointment was a little shocking to me,” Baker said when reached for comment, “we all know that black players hold up better. Especially in the heat.”
In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, intended for humor, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Volquez or Harang have not scheduled Tommy John surgery. Yet. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.