Boston Celtics Win NBA Title – NBA Declares Playoffs Aren’t Over
June 18, 2008
(Boston, MA) – The Boston Celtics and their dynamic trio of Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen had the NBA’s best record this season. It showed in the postseason, as they marched through the playoffs, concluding with a 4-2 series win over the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals – complete with a 131-92 thrashing in game 6.
Many thought it was a fitting end to the NBA playoffs. But league commissioner David Stern announced shortly after the championship was clinched that the playoffs would go on.
“This was a great series, and congratulations to the Boston Celtics on their victory,” Stern said, reading from a press release. “But we want our fans to know that this does not mark the end of the NBA Playoffs. We know how ravenous our fans are for NBA Playoff action, and there’s just no way that the two months the playoffs last long enough. We don’t want them to fret – the NBA Playoffs will continue!”
The NBA Playoffs began in earnest in mid-April, some nine or ten weeks ago. Some would say that’s plenty of time to complete a league’s playoffs – indeed some would say that’s ridiculously long, boring and stupid overkill.
“We will be having a third place series between the San Antonio Spurs and the Detroit Pistons,” Stern continued, “which will take place from June 28th through July 31st. We also plan to have a ‘Miss Congeniality’ series between the Miami Heat and Seattle Supersonics, which we will play – with exclusive coverage on the ABC family of networds, did we mention that? – between August 13th and October 3rd.”
“Finally, we’re going to have a one-on-one playoffs between LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. We realize nobody really gives a shit about anyone else on their teams, so we’ll just cut out the middlemen. The series will take place following the Congeniality series, and will last until one of them is dead. We realize this may cut into the NBA preseason, but it certainly won’t cut into revenue streams.”
In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, intended for humor, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Mercifully, the NBA Playoffs ARE over. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.