Lou Piniella Reminisces on Days When He Used to Manage a Team in Tampa Bay
June 20, 2008
(Tampa Bay, FL) – Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella sits comfortably in a rocking chair on the porch of his Tampa Bay home. His Cubs were just swept by the Tampa Bay Rays, but Lou can’t be bothered with all that noise. Not now. He’s rocking. And reminiscing.
He wants you to know that he used to manage a team in Tampa Bay, too.
“I love this town, as some may know,” ‘Ole Lou says. “And although I manage the Chicago City Cubs now, there was a time, my friends, that I used to manage a baseball team right here in Tampa Bay.”
“Yes sir, yes sir,” Lou carries on as a grandfather carries on before his grandchildren who wish they were anywhere else. “My team was called the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. They weren’t like this Rays team here in Tampa now. Memory fades, but I think they were some kind of minor league or handicapped men’s softball team. They weren’t too good.” This is, of course, not the first time Lou has been confused.
“I had a wonderful time with that team, despite their many foibles. I’m not too sure what happened to them after I left. I think they were contracted or some such thing. But I don’t much understand what ‘contracted’ means anyway. Only thing I ever contracted was a touch of leprosy back in aught 2.”
“Oh yes, yes, I used to be a real fiery sort in my younger days, back with that team, but that was many moons ago,” Lou demurs to no one in particular in response to a question that wasn’t asked, and sips some lemonade. “What was there to be so angry about anyway? Sure, the team wasn’t too good, but the pies. My Lord, the pies!”
“Now, Tampa has a lovely, good team to cheer for. The Rays. They seem to have gotten good awfully fast, too. Although I suppose ’tis to be expected when you draft first for a decade. At least that’s what my grandson shouts at me in my listening funnel.”
In case it isn’t painfully obvious, the Brickyard is a PARODY news publication, intended for humor, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. We’re sure Lou doesn’t act THIS old, even if he IS this old. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don’t sue. We don’t have money anyway.