Yankees Trade for Ivan Rodriguez About Ten Years Too Late
July 31, 2008
(New York, NY) - The non-waiver trade deadline is looming imminently, and trades are under way all over baseball. One such big deal went down last night as the New York Yankees acquired catcher Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez from the Detroit Tigers for reliever/former Chicago Cub/drinker/dumb guy Kyle Farnsworth. The Yankees were in desperate need of a good-hitting, great defensive catcher after Jorge Posada was forced to have season-ending surgery on his throwing shoulder. And the Yankees got their guy.
Or at least, he would have been their guy about ten years ago. Read more
Cubs Beat on Brewers Like So Many Big, Fat Pinatas
July 30, 2008
(Milwaukee, WI) - The Chicago Cubs have been terrible on the road. As in, Washinton Nationals on the road - heck, or at home - terrible. So entering this week’s critical series in Milwaukee against the Brewers, the Cubs had good reason to be nervous. But after two games, the nerves have subsided.
That may be because the atmosphere hasn’t felt like the road. With thousands of fans making the treck up from Chicago to support the Cubs, it has actually felt more like a party in the back yard. And the Cubs have treated it like a party, smacking around the Brewers like they were just a bunch of pinatas.
Very big, fat pinatas. Read more
On Possible Cubs Owner Mark Cuban: You Either Love Him or Hate Him or You Think He’s Just OK
July 28, 2008
(Chicago, IL) - The sale of the Chicago Cubs is nearing its closing stages, and according to reports, the list of suitors has been trimmed to three. Among the three, and reportedly the highest bidder at $1.3 billion, is Mavericks owner (and maverick owner) Mark Cuban.
Cuban is an eccentric type in the mold of George Steinbrenner, but one that clearly cares deeply about whether his Mavericks win. But are his antics too much for some Cubs fans? To be certain, the idea of Mark Cuban as the Chicago Cubs’ owner always evokes strong responses from Cubs fans - in both directions. Or something. Read more
Battle for Fourth Place Reaches Fever Pitch as Astros Trade for Randy Wolf
July 25, 2008
(Houston, TX) - As the baseball season approaches its final two months, the divisional races have begun to shake out, separating the contenders from the bottow dwellers. This seems to happen every year just short of the July 31 trade deadline - those teams still in contention try to add pieces to shore up their squad, and those teams out of it trade away expensive players for young players they can use in the future.
And then there are the Houston Astros. Read more
Cubs Alfonso Soriano Attributes Recovery from Hand Injury to Rehab Program Consisting Solely of Brushing Giant Teeth
July 23, 2008
(Phoenix, AZ) - As the Cubs struggle through a tough week, they are set to finally get some good news. Barring any setbacks, it looks like star left fielder Alfonso Soriano will be returning to the Cubs in the next couple of days. Soriano has been out since June 11 after an errant pitch broke his hand.
The Cubs expected Soriano to be out for more than six weeks, but it looks like he will return in just a shade under that projection. Manager Lou Piniella called Soriano the fastest healer he’s ever seen. So is it something special about Soriano that has allowed him to come back quickly? Perhaps a Wolverine-esque healing power? Maybe, but that’s not what Soriano says. Read more
Brewers Go Dumpster Diving in San Francisco - Acquire Ray Durham and a “Totally Wearable” Shirt
July 21, 2008
(San Francisco, CA) - The Milwaukee Brewers went to San Francisco this weekend, and left with a three-game sweep over the Giants. But that’s not all they left with. They also left with proof that one team’s trash might just be another team’s treasure. Read more
Kerry Wood Still Recovering From Blister - Regrets Spending All That Time on the Monkey Bars
July 19, 2008
(Houston, TX) - The Cubs consider themselves refreshed after a long All Star break, and were ready to head to Houston to take on the Astros for their first weekend tilt in the second half. But not all of the Cubs were as refreshed as they needed to be to play. Unfortunately, Cubs closer Kerry Wood is going to be unavailable this weekend as he continues to recover from a nasty blister on his throwing hand.
With the Cubs trying to win their first World Series in one hundred years, Cub fans wonder just how such an important player injured his hand so badly that he’s had to sit out for weeks. Is it because of his devastating curveball? Or the pressure he puts on the ball just before he throws a 97 mph heater high and tight?
No, Wood says. It’s the damn monkey bars. Read more
All Star Game Determines World Series Home-Field Advantage - Board Game Determines ALCS Home-Field
July 17, 2008
(New York, NY) - Just one day after stars from the American League and National League battled for 15 long innings to determine a winner in this year’s All Star Game, and the winner of home-field advantage in the World Series, stars from the American League found themselves battling again. Major League Baseball, seeking to give new meaning and importance to completely meaningless and unimportant exhibition games, determined that home-field advantage in the American League Championship Series would also be determined by the outcome of an exhibition game.
Another baseball game? Another sporting event? No. It would determined by the outcome of a board game. Read more
Augie Ojeda Excluded from Home Run Derby for “The last damn time”
July 15, 2008
(New York, NY) - Justin Morneau won in grand fashion and Josh Hamilton hit a mind-blowing 28 home runs in the first round, but the real story at this year’s Home Run Derby was lurking somewhere outside the gates of Yankee Stadium. That’s because the real story was not who was participating in the Derby, it was who was not participating.
Much has been made about the lack of home run superstars in this year’s derby - no active home run leader in Ken Griffey, Jr., no season home run leader in Ryan Howard, no New York home run star in Alex Rodriguez. But one player says none of that matters. He is the man who really should have been there. And his name is Augie Ojeda. Read more
Every Single Cub Named to All Star Team Except Mark DeRosa
July 13, 2008
(Chicago, IL) - The Midsummer Classic, the Major League Baseball All Star game, is almost upon us. And it will be a particularly exciting All Star game for Cubs fans this year, because they will get a chance to see their favorite Cubs players representing both the Chicago Cubs and the National League as they take on the stars from the American League.
Many of their favorite Cubs players. As in, almost all of them. Except poor Mark DeRosa. Read more
Random Flashback Headlines
- Clubhouse Baffled, Unnerved by Matt Murton’s Assertion that He’d “Do Renee Zellweger”
- Michael Phelps Wins Record-Breaking Eight Gold Medals, but Has to Shave Arms to Do It
- Ryan Theriot Defends Britney Spears’ VMA Flop
- Charlie Weis’ Body Rejecting Gastric Bypass Surgery
- Inspired by Rick Ankiel, Rich Hill to Attempt Comeback as Hitter
- Women’s College Basketball Tournament Finally Arrives!
- 91st Indianapolis 500 to Run on Sunday, Nobody to Give a Shit
- NEWSBRIEF: Ryan Theriot “Thanks God” There’s a ‘Step Up 2′ - Laments That There Was Not Enough Hip-Hop Action in ‘Step Up 1′
- Roger Clemens on Alleged Affair with 15 Year Old: “I would never bang a chick that ugly”
- NEWSBRIEF: One-Year Anniversary of Cory Lidle’s Death Passes - NYC Mayor Declares it OK to Wonder Who the Shit Cory Lidle is Again
