Rain the Only Thing that Could Keep Cubs from Winning Yesterday, Except All Those Other Things

August 13, 2008

Chicago Cubs Rainout at Wrigley Field

(Atlanta, GA) – The Chicago Cubs rolled into Atlanta yesterday, winners of 14 of their last 21 games. They were ready to lay a drubbing to the hapless Braves, but severe storms in the Atlanta area postponed the game.

And it’s a good thing for the Braves that the rains came, because it seems like lately, that’s the only thing that could keep the Cubs from winning the game.

Well, that, and a few other things.

Other than the rain, here is a top ten list of the things that could keep the Cubs from winning a game:

10. The entire team gets “the Fukudomes,” and completely forgets how to be patient, quality hitters.

9. The other team starts a soft-tossing lefty, blanks Cubs.

8. The other team starts a rookie who has been crushed in all of his previous starts, blanks Cubs.

7. The other team’s startng pitcher – be he a soft-tossing lefty or a crappy rookie – hits 2-out, game winning single up the middle to score two runs, despite coming into the game with an .087 average.

6. Ted Lilly spreads around a little too much man love, and the clubhouse comes down with an assortment of dehabilitating venereal diseases.

5. Geovanny Soto shaves his pirate goatee, and like Sampson, is sapped of all his strength.

4. The other team scores more runs than the Cubs.

3. Carlos Zambrano finally listens to the voices in his head and “burns the mother down,” badly singes pitching arm.

2. Ronny Cedeno is thrown out an impossible 37 times on the basepaths.

1. Bobby Howry is allowed to pitch in a tie game in the 9th inning.

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