Michael Phelps Wins Record-Breaking Eight Gold Medals, but Has to Shave Arms to Do It

August 18, 2008

Michael Phelps shows off hot swimmer body

(Beijing, China) – It was a record-smashing week in Beijing for U.S. Men’s Swimming superstar Michael Phelps. When he secured his eighth gold medal on Sunday, he broke Mark Spitz’s 36-year-old record for gold medals in a single Olympics. The nation – perhaps the world – cheered Phelps on, and watched in a amazement at his historic accomplishment.

But this story has an ugly side that the mainstream media refuses to report.

Yes, Michael Phelps won an amazing eight gold medals…but at what cost?

It seems that before Phelps jumped into the pool this week, in order to streamline his body in the water, he did the unthinkable: he shaved his arms. Though it will require further video evidence to confirm, he may have even shaved his armpits. That is not an appropriate use of a razor blade. Just ask Carlos Zambrano.

michael phelps body

Even if he does the smart thing and melts down his eight gold medals, and forms them into one gigantic super medal, it still hardly seems worth it.

Though he has the body of a Greek – well, Olympic – God, his manliness is forever tainted by the fact that his skin is as hairless as a tiny baby. One that had also shaved its arms.

Sure, he could probably get any woman he wants now, and could probably beat me up with his left pinky. But any self-respecting man knows that the only acceptable place to shave is the face, and maybe the coinpurse for a special occasion. Though if you shave that area, beware of Jim Edmonds’ grabby hands.

So while the media paints Michael Phelps as an American hero, we are willing to report the truth. What he did was impressive. But you, sir, Michael Phelps, may keep your eight gold medals, millions of dollars, and scores of hot chicks. I will keep my arm hair.

If baseball, football and basketball aren’t your thing – and you like, for example, swimming humor – check out our other sports parody news: http://www.thecubsbrickyard.com/category/othersports/

michael phelps sexy swimmer body


16 Responses to “Michael Phelps Wins Record-Breaking Eight Gold Medals, but Has to Shave Arms to Do It”

  1. True City on August 18th, 2008 8:08 am

    Ha, Kinda sounds like the Philip Rivers one.

  2. Ace on August 18th, 2008 8:25 am
  3. PhelpsFan on August 26th, 2008 12:12 pm

    You call yourself “manly’? This is petty, catty insignificance. Athletes have been shaving forever, heads, arms, legs, whatever. This criticism reminds me of the ‘music doping’ article I read (Michael listening to music before an event was the cause of very temporary increaded oxygen). Ridiculous negativity. “Forever tainted”?? In your small mind perhaps. This young man has shown our country and the world something so positive and true, something that we desperately need. Please, get real and enjoy Michael’s victory with the rrest of us.

  4. Ace on August 26th, 2008 7:42 pm

    As soon as I saw “PhelpsFan,” I knew your post would be complimentary…

    It’s a joke, PhelpsFan. The joke is on the “writer.” He’s supposed to sound like an idiot. And now you’ve made me explain the joke, and it has thus lost what little bit of funny-osity it had. For shame.

  5. Anonymous on September 1st, 2008 3:37 pm

    Michael phelps has done the u.s.a. Proud ! And he looked good also. ! So get over it. ! I wish i could swim like him, even wish one of my boys could.

  6. Ace on September 1st, 2008 5:30 pm

    Ok. I’m over it. Thanks for the advice.

    But now I take back my previous comment. The joke is on Phelps and his girly smooth arms. My arms are way better – covered in hair, and pencil thin.

  7. bianca on September 2nd, 2008 1:29 pm

    he is boy many deliciuos

  8. phemale phelps phan on September 2nd, 2008 6:22 pm

    phelps is smoking hot. just wanted to get that off my chest (which is hairless).

  9. Ace on September 2nd, 2008 7:20 pm

    I agree. And if you’d care to get anything else off of your chest, please don’t hesitate.

  10. Anonymous on September 4th, 2008 4:37 pm

    He is beautiful hmmm. DELICIOUS

  11. Anonymous on September 4th, 2008 4:37 pm


  12. Luisa Fernanda on September 4th, 2008 7:25 pm

    I 11years old and I’m your fan number one, becuase you are very handsome and an exelent swmer
    I love you
    Luisa Fernanda
    of Mexico

  13. Tricia on September 4th, 2008 10:22 pm

    Michael, you are a coaches dream… having coached for 29 years, I appreciate your hard work, your class, your appreciation for what you have accomplished and the discipline and fortitude that it took to get you to where you are today. You are a true champion and all of us that can appreciate that congratulate you !

  14. kirsten on September 6th, 2008 7:38 pm

    michael phelps should be pronunced on a chamercial

  15. G Manley on October 20th, 2008 12:49 pm

    My suspicion is that you have a hair fetish.

  16. Michael Phelps Signs Endorsement Deal with Funyuns | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on February 6th, 2009 8:17 am

    [...] (Los Angeles, CA) – Six months ago, you couldn’t go anywhere without seeing and hearing the news about America’s golden boy, Michael Phelps. He had just done what no other person had ever done: he won eight gold medals in a single Olympics. [...]

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