Is Bobby Howry Actually the Best Pitcher on the Cubs? New Statistical Analysis Confirms that No He is Not

August 22, 2008

(Chicago, IL) – These days it seems Chicago Cubs reliever Bobby Howry can’t walk down the streets of Chicago without being booed or openly told that he sucks. And it’s not surprising given his 6.75 ERA in July, and even more eye-popping 7.50 ERA in August.

But is it possible that Bobby Howry is actually the best pitcher on the Cubs this year?

Is it possible that there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to Bobby Howry’s value?

No, it turns out. There’s less.

A modern statistical analysis shows that Bobby Howry is not the best pitcher on the Cubs – he’s the worst. The analysis, performed by graduate students at M.I.T., called upon several disciplines and many of the “new” baseball statistics including ERA+, VORP, WHIP, POP, VOLTRON, and Super ERA.

When everything was said and done, the analysis confirmed that Bobby Howry’s “adjusted value factor” or “AVF” is significantly lower than any other Cubs pitcher – a full 17 value points lower than Jason Marquis. Terrifyingly, the standard deviation for AVF is 1.5.

bell curve

“It’s really hard to describe how low Howry ended up,” student participant Henry Lee said. “If you can imagine the standard Bell Curve, where the high point is average, and to the left is below average, Bob Howry is so far to the left that we couldn’t quite plot him on the curve.”

“To put it in perspective, the Bell Curve is usually used to show IQ results, with 100 being average, and lower scores displaying on the left – and become less and less likely as you go further left. If this were an IQ test, Bob Howry would be so far to the left that he wouldn’t just be classified as ‘retarded.’ He’d be some kind of super hero level retarded.”

Cubs ace Carlos Zambrano scored a 93; Marquis scored a 19. That puts Bobby Howry at 2. That’s lower than Milwaukee’s Eric Gagne (9), New York’s Kei Igawa (8), and That Hot Dog Vendor Who Was Forced to Throw an Inning for San Diego in a 20-Inning Marathon Game (4).

Earlier: Bobby Howry is also not that bright.


7 Responses to “Is Bobby Howry Actually the Best Pitcher on the Cubs? New Statistical Analysis Confirms that No He is Not”

  1. Bob Howry on August 22nd, 2008 7:42 am

    What me worry?

  2. JollyRogerK9 on August 22nd, 2008 11:49 am

    In laymen’s terms, Bob Howry’s about as low on the scale as whale s*** at Marianna’s Trench. Wow…… I figured that out a long time ago & didn’t have to pay for an MIT education to do so. Ship him back to the South Side where he belongs!!!

  3. Butcher on August 22nd, 2008 12:14 pm

    Where does Lou get plotted on the bell curve for continuing to put Howry in semi-meaningful situations?

  4. AtlantaBob on August 23rd, 2008 12:59 pm

    I’m surprised Marquis scored that high! He must have been given 15 points just for spelling his name correct.

  5. Ace on August 24th, 2008 11:42 am

    Actually, I’m told he spelled it “Markee.”

  6. Carlton on September 1st, 2008 1:10 pm

    Someone needs to tell him that he sucks while he is in the restroom.

  7. Cubs Nation’s Collective Panties Thoroughly Bunched | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on September 4th, 2008 4:29 am

    [...] (Chicago, IL) – Chicago Cubs fans everywhere have bent, shifted, squated, and tugged feverishly this week, trying desperately to undo the pain they are suffering. The pain of a losing streak. The pain of injured starting pitchers. The pain of a manager who won’t stop using Bobby Howry. [...]

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