Cubs, Astros Refuse to Play for Hurricane Ike

September 12, 2008

Hurricane Ike postpones Cubs Astros

(Houston, TX) – The Major League Baseball season is roaring towards October, with every series becoming critically important. Perhaps no series is more important than this weekend’s series between the National League Central leading Chicago Cubs, and the scorchingly hot Houston Astros. The Cubs are trying to sew up the Central, and with some deft maneuvering, the Astros have sprinted their way back into the playoff discussion, just three games out of the NL Wildcard.

Yes, this weekend’s series could go a long way to deciding who makes the playoffs this year in the National League.

And the Cubs and Astros have decided not to play it.

The teams announced late yesterday that they would be postponing the series indefinitely, despite its huge importance, because of approaching Hurricane Ike. Together, the teams decided they did not want to perform for someone like Ike.

Ike, a strengthening gulf hurricane expected to reach Category 3 or Category 4 status by the time it makes landfall, was barreling down on Houston as of Friday morning.

“We got together and decided we weren’t going to play for that jerk,” Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella said. “He’s been nothing but trouble all week down there [in the Carribean and Gulf of Mexico], and we don’t think it’s right that we should let him come see us play while he’s in such a destructive state.”

“I had quite a few friends in Florida some years ago who played when Hurricane Andrew was in town,” Piniella continued, “and they said he was a complete asshole about it. Tearing stuff up, completely unappreciative. And he didn’t even buy a ticket. Totally not worth it.”

The Astros agreed with the Cubs’ skipper.

“I would just as soon let him think I wasn’t even in town,” Astro Lance Berkman said. “I actually met Ike a couple weeks ago when he was just a tropical storm, but there was talk that he was gonna get promoted to hurricane status. And man did he act like he was the [stuff]. Huge jerk, and a huge drunk, too. I want nothing to do with him.”

When he heard the news, Hurricane Ike was outraged. “Are you kidding me? Are you [freaking] kidding me? I come all this way – it’s a really long trip – I manifest myself in wind and rain, and now you’re telling me they aren’t even going to play?” Ike blustered. “That’s the whole reason I was coming to Houston in the first place. It certainly wasn’t for the Tex Mex. I guess I’ll just catch a movie or something.”

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