Yankees Still Plan on Showing Up to Playoffs
September 29, 2008
(New York, NY) – Baseball’s biggest party starts this week, and for the first time in 13 years, the New York Yankees aren’t invited. The party, of course, is the playoffs, and thanks in part to an historic season by the Tampa Bay Rays, the Yankees fell short of qualifying this year.
But apparently failing to qualify for the playoffs isn’t going to stop the Yankees this year. It’s still world championship or bust.
“What would the playoffs be without the Yankees?” Chairman Hank Steinbrenner said as the regular season came to a close. “There are teams much crappier than ours that quote made the playoffs. We are a great team, and we’re not going to let a pesky thing like failing to qualify keep us from our destiny. So we figure we’ll just go ahead and show up for the playoffs, and see what happens. It can’t hurt.”
The Yankees certainly have felt like a playoff institution over the past decade plus. But it is unclear just what they expect to accomplish by showing up for a playoff series in which they aren’t scheduled to play.
“We know we weren’t technically invited, but I know a guy whose brother’s friend is the one puting on the playoffs,” shortstop/model/actress Derek Jeter said. “They’ll let us in.”
“And just because we weren’t invited doesn’t mean we aren’t wanted, you know?” Jeter continued. “We’re expected at these things. If we didn’t come, everyone would wonder where we were.”
“It might be a little awkward because our ex, Joe [Torre], is going to be there. As long as we don’t see him kissing that new bitch, the Dodgers, everything will be fine. But so help me, if he’s holding their hand, I’m going to make the biggest scene ever.”
Steinbrenner, a bit of a crazy type like his father, says the Yankees will show up at every stage of the playoffs until they are welcomed.
“I heard a quote one time that 90% of life is just showing up. So that’s what we’re going to do,” Steinbrenner said. “And if that doesn’t work, we’re gonna start killing people. No, no. I’m just kidding. We’ll probably just buy a bunch of hookers and take shots out of our last several World Series trophies.”