2008 Cubs Were Victims of Expectations, Pressure, and Baseball Rape

October 8, 2008

(Chicago, IL) – Another season. Another nightmare.

The 2008 Chicago Cubs were as dominant in the regular season as they were flacid in the post-season.

It was a perfect storm. A confluence of expectations that couldn’t be matched, one hundred years of pressure that couldn’t be overcome, and ultimately, on-field rape at the hands of an aggressive Los Angeles Dodgers squad.

By most measures, the year was a success for the Cubs. But because they were expected to go the distance this year, it feels like anything but a success.

There is no way around it: the Cubs were easily laid out by the Dodgers in the NLDS. The historic beatdown, which could only be described as nonconsensual, lasted just four horrific days, but the scars will last perhaps another one hundred years.

“We really do feel like victims afterall,” Cubs shortstop Ryan Theriot said. “Of course we feel for the fans, but we were the ones who had to bear the weight of one hundred years and two million fans on our back. Not to mention the weight of Manny Ramirez on our back, pounding away.”

Metaphorically speaking, of course. Well, probably.

“It was just a thorough beat-down,” Theriot continued. “They took us behind the woodshed, and bent us over. Just a complete blasting. I felt like I had to check if I was pregnant afterwards.”

Though neither Theriot nor any of his teammates were pregnant with anything but somber emotions, they feel like they did some positive things this year – the end of the year assault notwithstanding. And it is likely that they did just enough to get all of their fans to come back next year, hoping for a championship, but willing to watch the humiliation.

Someday the Cubs will go all the way. And that day, it won’t be painfully uncomfortable and against their will.


One Response to “2008 Cubs Were Victims of Expectations, Pressure, and Baseball Rape”

  1. Chicago Bears Can Name that Tune, Lose that Game in 11 Seconds | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on October 13th, 2008 7:50 am

    [...] fans of Chicago. Those doing some baseball betting on the Cubs last week were shocked to see the Cubs swept out of the NLDS by the Los Angeles [...]

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