Chicago Bears Can Name that Tune, Lose that Game in 11 Seconds

October 13, 2008

(Atlanta, GA) – On Sunday, trailing by nine points late into the fourth quarter against the Atlanta Falcons, the Chicago Bears decided it was time to put an incredibly special talent on display.

No, it wasn’t the furious comeback that saw the Bears take a one point lead with just 11 seconds left.

It was the impressive ability to somehow lose the game in those 11 seconds.

Kicking off, and having so little time on the clock to burn, the Bears scrambled for a way to lose the game. Should they kick off out of bounds? That would save some time, but might not bring the Falcons far enough up the field to make a loss possible. Should they kick off deep and hope one of the Falcon return men can rip a huge run? Too risky.

And that’s when they realized that the best way to demonstrate their ability to give up the game in just 11 seconds was a squib kick. And a Matt Ryan pass and Jason Elam kick later, the game was over. It happened so fast. Just the way the Bears wanted it.

“We take pride in the things we can do really fast,” Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher said. “Taking a game that you’ve got right in your hands and then finding a way to lose so quickly is not something just any team can do. We didn’t come back so that we could actually win the game. We just wanted to prove that we could. And then we saw the opportunity to prove we could do something else: lose an unloseable game in just 11 seconds. So we took it.”

Urlacher was quick to point out the Bears’ speed in a lot of things.

“Eleven seconds doesn’t seem like a lot, but there are literally hundreds of things we can do in that time. I started my acting career, and started pushing such excellent products and services as Old Spice Deodorant and BetUS Sportsbook. Devin [Hester] was on celebrity ‘Name that Tune’ a few weeks ago, and he nailed ‘Flight of the Bumblebee’ in barely 11 seconds. [Former Bear] Cedric Benson managed to tank his career here in Chicago in what felt like six, seven seconds.”

“Nathan Vasher is always bragging that he can bang his wife in 11 seconds. I never thought that was impressive, because I can finish her off in just eight.”

The speed with which the Bears were able to lose, though impressive, is nothing terribly new to the fans of Chicago. Those doing some baseball betting on the Cubs last week were shocked to see the Cubs swept out of the NLDS by the Los Angeles Dodgers.

But as fast as that seemed to Cubs fans, even they couldn’t quite do it in just 11 seconds.


2 Responses to “Chicago Bears Can Name that Tune, Lose that Game in 11 Seconds”

  1. chard on October 15th, 2008 12:33 am

    they are we thought they were.. losers. outstanding!

  2. Carlton on November 29th, 2008 10:07 am

    Chard. You are a loser.

Got something to say?

You must be logged in to post a comment.