Nervous Ryan Theriot Assures Derrek Lee He’s Voting for Barack Obama

October 29, 2008

Cubs Derrek Lee and Ryan Theriot

(Chicago, IL) – In less than a week, the United States will enter a new era. Tuesday is election day, and we’ll soon have a new President. Many hope it will be an era of change, of prosperity. Others hope it will be an era of stagnation and old balls. But we digress/editorialize.

The election is, of course, a far-reaching event, and the people of Chicago are not excluded. After all, Democratic candidate Barack Obama is the junior senator for the state of Illinois. So it is only natural that the political debate would penetrate walls all over the state – even the walls of Wrigley Field.

In fact, Wrigley Field was host to a bizarre exchange last week between Chicago Cubs shortstop Ryan Theriot and first baseman Derrek Lee.

While the players were clearing out their various effects, unprovoked and unsolicited, Theriot approached Lee to share his thoughts on the election.

“Derrek, I just want to tell you,” Theriot said as he squirmed a bit, “that I’m definitely voting for Barack Obama. I’m with you.”

Lee looked slightly confused, thanked Theriot and shrugged it off as Theriot backed away. Later, Theriot explained.

“Well, I mean, I just figured Lee was an Obama supporter, and I wanted him to know that I was with him. He’s just a really big guy, and I mean, he intimidates me a little bit. And, I, I just wanted him to know I wouldn’t disappoint him.”

But why would Theriot feel the need to tell Lee he would be voting for Obama? And why would he assume Lee was an Obama supporter?

“Look, I’m not a racist,” Theriot stammered. “I don’t even see things in black and white. I mean, I can’t even play dominoes because they all just look blank to me.”

“Some of my best friends are black,” Theriot continued. “My teammates, extended family members, my gardener, the people I admire most in the community. All black. Well, I guess some are Dominican. But that’s a kind of black, right?”

Lee is still confused as to why Theriot voiced his support.

“I don’t get why he’s acting all nervous around me. Is it because of the Obama thing? Look, sure, it would be in his best interests if he voted for Barack Obama. That isn’t a threat. I don’t care who he votes for. Ryan is still near the league minimum salary, so he wouldn’t see a big tax increase with Obama.”

“He came up to me yesterday, winked, and said ‘solidarity brother,’ and gave me a bag of sugar. I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. Little dude kind of creeps me out.”

Illinois is considered a state safely in Obama’s camp, so it’s likely that the locker room shenanigans will have no impact on the election. But that won’t stop Theriot from voicing his opinion.

“All I’m saying is, if John McCain wins, you can’t blame me. When I say to pollsters and teammates that I’m voting for Obama, I mean it. So, I mean, if somehow McCain wins, and he wins by one vote, it definitely wasn’t me. So nobody come after me,” Theriot said.

Before adding:

“Ballots are secret, right?”


3 Responses to “Nervous Ryan Theriot Assures Derrek Lee He’s Voting for Barack Obama”

  1. John McCain on October 29th, 2008 12:47 pm

    I don’t want any Chicago Orphan votes anyway.

  2. Butcher on October 30th, 2008 1:39 pm

    “Many hope it will be an era of change, of prosperity. Others hope it will be an era of stagnation and old balls.”


    Perhaps McCain should’ve come right out and said he’s running on the “old balls” platform. Couldn’t be any worse than the train wreck we’ve all had to witness.

  3. Teammates Question Geovany Soto’s Sincerity in Watching President “Orama’s” Innauguration | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on January 23rd, 2009 8:26 am

    [...] everyone to take part in such an important, historical moment in our nation’s history,” Derrek Lee said. “But it was pretty clear after about ten minutes that Geo was just trying to get out of [...]

Got something to say?

You must be logged in to post a comment.