Rays Face Terrifying Prospect of Another Whole Decade Without a Championship

October 31, 2008

rays lose picture

(Tampa Bay, FL) – The Tampa Bay Rays failed to win the World Series.


In what is becoming a cruel joke, the Rays once again came up short in their bid to end an excruciating streak of heartbreaking seasons where they’ve gone home without a championship.

It is hard to fathom, but it has been more than a decade – that’s more than ten long years – since the Rays have been playing in MLB without winning a championship. It is a hard streak to accept for the players as well as management.

“I’m not sure what else to do at this point,” General Manager Andrew Friedman said after his Rays lost the World Series in just five games to the Philadelphia Phillies. “I mean, hell, we made sure to be god-awful for like nine years so that we could draft high and stock the team with home-grown talent.”

Some of the players are more optimistic, though will still a hint of sadness.

Eva Longoria underwear nearly nude

“Fortunately I’m just starting out in my career, so I should have plenty of chances,” rookie superstar Evan Longoria, not to be confused with former hotty turned fat chick Eva Longoria, said. “The average player gets to what, like six, seven World Series per decade? So yeah, I figure we’ll win at least fifteen championships in my career. It still stings to lose this one, though.”

And the fans. Oh the fans. The Rays have literally hundreds of fans who come out to three or four or even five games a year, and they are heartbroken.

“I don’t really know what to do at this point,” Larry Pilo said after the Series ended. “I keep pouring my heart and my soul into this team, and they just keep letting me down. I don’t know how much longer I can do it.”

“We keep telling ourselves ‘there’s always next year,’” Pilo went on, “but it just feels so far away. When you haven’t won [a championship] for over a decade, you start to really wonder. Is it going to be another whole decade? Two? I mean, three seems ridiculous, but maybe.”

Though it seems like the Rays have played without winning a championship forever, there are actually teams that have gone longer without winning. One such team is the Chicago Cubs.

And their fans issued a press release, hoping to share their feelings with Rays’ fans about being winless for a while.”

The release read simply: “Dear Rays fans – Kindly lick our balls. Sincerely, Cubs fans.”


3 Responses to “Rays Face Terrifying Prospect of Another Whole Decade Without a Championship”

  1. Sports Writers Dual for Supreme Idiot Status with Rookie of the Year Vote | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on November 12th, 2008 5:49 am

    [...] course the winners selected were far from retarded. Tampa Bay Rays wunderkind Evan Longoria and Chicago Cubs catcher Geovany Soto were thoroughly deserving and were [...]

  2. Summer on March 29th, 2009 11:02 pm

    Wtf are you talking about? Eva Longoria is not fat at all. Look up a current picture of her. You must be insane if that’s your idea of fat. Maybe you’ve confused her with Jessica Simpson.

  3. Ace on March 30th, 2009 7:59 am

    It was a joke made when she was playing a much fatter version of herself on Desperate Housewives. Check the date.

    And I wouldn’t call Jessica Simpson fat. I’d call her planetary.

Got something to say?

You must be logged in to post a comment.