Sports Writers Dual for Supreme Idiot Status with Rookie of the Year Vote

November 12, 2008

geovany soto picture

(Chicago, IL) – This week the Baseball Writers Association of America was tasked, as they are each year, with the responsibility of selecting the American and National League Rookies of the Year. It is a duty they clearly take very seriously, and into which they put a great deal of time and effort.

But the task is arduous, thankless, and thoroughly undesireable.

That’s why many members of this year’s crew went to great lengths to cast some of the most incomprehensible votes in recent memory, in the hopes that they will be excused from future service.

Of course the winners selected were far from retarded. Tampa Bay Rays wunderkind Evan Longoria and Chicago Cubs catcher Geovany Soto were thoroughly deserving and were easy selections. But the votes thereafter, particularly in the National League, could only be described as megatarded.

And Lord, we hope they did it on purpose.

Buried beneath the lead of the unsurprising winners were scary votes, to say the least. Though the Reds’ Joey Votto was a fair selection for second place in the NL, the one writer who voted him first – thus robbing Soto of the unanimous selection – certainly was asking for a throat punch. And it only got worse from there.

Receiving a second place and third place vote, was Geovany Soto’s teammate Kosuke Fukudome, a technical rookie despite playing several years of professional ball in Japan. Though you certainly wouldn’t have known it if you watched him play this year. After a strong start, Fukudome completely fell off the map, and was benched down the stretch. Clearly, his votes came from Pittsburgh Pirates writers, who stopped watching baseball in May.

Some writers suggested they would not have voted for Fukudome even if he hadn’t sucked because of his professional Japanese experience. Others were completely undeterred, even if the player at issue had professional experience… in Major League Baseball. That’s how Cincinnati Reds pitcher and non-rookie Edinson Volquez received three second place votes.

But perhaps the greatest display of supreme idiocy on the part of the writers were the 22 second and third place votes received by some completely made up player dubbed with the ridiculously unbelievable moniker Jair Jurrgens. Couldn’t they have just called him Bat McBaseball?

Though the votes made plain that some writers are desperate to be relieved of their post, very few would openly confess to their moronic efforts, electing instead to speak anonymously.

“I hate being on that freaking committee,” one anonymous writer said. “Nobody gives a floppy crap about the Rookie of the Year. Did you know that Todd freaking Hollandsworth was a Rookie of the Year? Exactly. People only care about the Cy Young award and the MVP. Oh, and the Hank Aaron Super Smacker Great-tastic Hitter Award, or whatever that thing Aramis Ramirez won is called.”

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