Bears’ “Coordinator for a Day” Program Ends in Disaster

November 17, 2008

(Green Bay, WI) – Lovie Smith just wants what’s best for the Chicago Bears and the fans of the Chicago Bears. But sometimes the path to getting absolutely shit-kicked by the Green Bay Packers is paved with best intentions.

Earlier this month, Smith announced a new program that would allow two fans, selected by random drawing, to serve as offensive and defensive coordinators for a game. It never sounded like a good idea.

The two winning fans, Marjorie Pildy and Tyler Gooden, served as defensive and offensive coordinator, respectively, for yesterday’s embarrassing defeat in Green Bay. And based on the plays run on each side of the ball in the 37-3 laugher, it was obvious. After all, that could be the only explanation for the ridiculous outcome.

“I hate to call it a ‘mistake,’” Smith said in his post-game press conference. “I had hoped the return of Kyle Orton would overcome any weakness on their part. Clearly, they were a bit underprepared to be coordinators. But they had a lot of fun doing it, and that’s what the program was about.”

“And, could they really have done that much worse than our current coordinators?”

As for the fans, Smith was right – they did enjoy the experience.

“It was absolutely the awesomest!” Gooden, 12, said of his offensive coordinator gig. “It was just like when I play Madden football! I just kept pressing ‘x,’ and they had to do what I said. First down? Hail mary. 4th and 20? Hail mary.”

Pildy agreed.

“I had a grand time, just grand,” she said. “This was my first American football match, but it was smashing fun. My husband entered my name in the drawing because he thought it was just to win tickets. But this was even better. My seats were much, much better.”

“Oh, was I supposed to be doing something?”

Smith, for his part, thinks the team will try the program again next year, but perhaps with some tweaks.

“I think there will be a few changes. Maybe some football coaching experience required. And maybe we’ll have someone available to help the fans. Also, in retrospect, it was probably a poor choice to have them serve in the same game.”


2 Responses to “Bears’ “Coordinator for a Day” Program Ends in Disaster”

  1. Ed_CO on November 17th, 2008 4:44 pm


    It would be hilarious if I weren’t still crying. :(

  2. Ace on November 17th, 2008 8:55 pm

    Yeah, I know. Posting these things is cathartic for me when I’m pissed.

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