Mark Cuban Fined Heavily for Criticizing SEC Officials

November 21, 2008

cubs mark cuban

(Dallas, TX) – On Monday, prospective Chicago Cubs owner and current Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban was charged by SEC officials with insider trading. Cuban, a noted investor and businessman, admits that he traded on material, nonpublic information, but denies that he owed any duty to protect that information. Blah, blah. That part is boring.

Far more interesting is how Cuban reacted in a post-investigation press conference when asked what he thought about the SEC officials.

“I’m sorry,” Cuban said. “But they have got to get their head out of their ass.”

When pressed further by reporters, Cuban let loose a tirade.

“I have never, in all my years as an investor, seen such piss-poor officiating. I’m not going to directly question their motives, but they’ve been investigating for two years, why charge me now? It’s ridiculous. Blind, hippo poop would make for a better SEC official than these guys.”

“The calls were just ridiculous. Risking an insider trading foul to save $750 thousand? I am worth billions, people. Billions of dollars. Wait, let me check the market. Ok, billion dollars, singular. Wait. Hundreds of millions. Ok, wait. Millions. Ok, whatever, it’s still a lot.”

Upon hearing the public criticism of its officials, the SEC was swift in slapping Cuban down with a fine of an undisclosed amount.

“We cannot have our investors criticizing the officials,” SEC Commissioner David Sternberg said. “Our officials work hard, and try to call things as they see them. Mark Cuban was out of line.”

Cuban, for his part, is not one to shy away from criticizing officials. In fact, he loves criticizing three-letter acronym officials – NBA officials, SEC officials, NRA officials, PTO officials.

He says after all of this, he’s ready to step it up to four-letter acronym officials.

“I’ve had a bone to pick with PETA, GLAD, and MADD for a long time. I think I’m ready to start busting their officials’ chops. What are they gonna do? Get a drunk, male dog to crash a car into me and have sex with me?”


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