Report: Burress Told Friends, Police He Feared Himself Just Days Before Shooting

December 1, 2008

plaxico burress pictures

(New York, NY) – Troubled New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress was released from the hospital late Saturday after sustaining a gunshot wound to his thigh. Preliminary reports indicated that the injury was both accidental, and self-inflicted.

Most assumed it was just a borderline-comical happenstance, but details are surfacing that the shooting may have been something more sinister. And confusing.

According to two independent police sources, Burress went to the authorities on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to ask for their protection – from himself. He warned the police that he had been harassing and threatening himself for months. They say he had been telling his friends the same thing.

According to officials, Burress filed a report that said the threats from himself were very specific and menacing, and even went so far as to threaten himself that he could “make it look like an accident.”

The report went on to state that “I have been making threats against me, specifically, that I am going to shoot myself in the leg. I am afraid of what me might do.”

So if Burress filed such a report just days before the shooting, why was nothing done? Why was he allowed to walk out of the station and subsequently attack himself?

“We didn’t take the threats very seriously, to be perfectly honest,” police spokesman Kenneth Wilson said Sunday. “Why didn’t we take them seriously? Well, if you must know, we couldn’t really understand what Mr. Burress was saying. He sounded like his mouth was full of gummi bears and wood glue.”

“I thought maybe he was hitting on me, which made me very uncomfortable. Not because he’s a guy, but because he’s black. I’m, I’m kind of a big racist. Why am I still talking?”

As for Burress, he is expected to turn himself into authorities later this week on charges of felony gun possession, and now maybe, self-assault. Friends say Burress desperately hopes to avoid prison time, in part because of his new thigh injury.

“A guy can only have so many openings on his lower body in prison, you know?” a friend said.


2 Responses to “Report: Burress Told Friends, Police He Feared Himself Just Days Before Shooting”

  1. Clapp on December 3rd, 2008 12:27 am

    Good stuff as always dude.

  2. Derrick Rose on Stabbing Self: I just wanted be like Plax | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on December 10th, 2008 8:31 am

    [...] was mostly an accident,” Rose said. “It’s just that, after I heard about my hero Plaxico Burress accidentally shooting himself in the leg, I decided to do it, [...]

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