Lacking Crazy in the Offense, Cubs Go After Milton Bradley

December 15, 2008

milton bradley crazy

(Chicago, IL) – The 2008 hot stove is blazing, and although recent efforts to land Jake Peavy proved fruitless, the Chicago Cubs are still looking to add to their already loaded roster. The Cubs have excellent pitching – both powerful and crafty. And their offense offers a tremendous combination of power and on-base ability.

But after a disappointing 2008 campaign that ended in a playoff sweep, the Cubs must regroup and take stock. Is the rotation really that good? Is the offense really that capable?

Upon reflection, Cubs managment figured out just what was missing from the offense. Sure, the team needs a left-handed right fielder, but that’s not it.

The team needs a crazy left-handed right fielder.

“When we went over what we were working with from top to bottom,” General Manager Jim Hendry said as he was leaving the annual winter meetings empty handed. “Once we got to that level of detail, it became pretty clear what we were missing, and whom we needed to target. Last year, we were simply short on crazy.”

The Cubs, who led the league in crazy in 2007, were dead last in the National League Central in 2008.

“I think, probably, after the Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett stuff a couple years ago, we got complacent,” Hendry said. “We just assumed that we would be able to develop crazy from within, and that Carlos would produce all the crazy we needed. But he can only fill our need for crazy every fifth day. Baseball just isn’t that simple.”

So the Cubs are targeting troublesome outfielder Milton Bradley in the hopes that he can be the kind of crazy this team needs. The kind of crazy that throws water bottles at fans. The kind of crazy that gets into arguments with a coach, somehow resulting in a torn ACL.

“I’m in favor of the idea,” Zambrano said Monday morning as he swatted away flies that weren’t there. “I’m tired of carrying all the crazy weight for this team. MAMMALOOGA!”

Bradley, thought to be seeking a three or four year deal averaging $10 million per year, says he’s going to take his time with the decision.

“I want to go somewhere with a chance to win, but also where I feel like I fit in,” Bradley said. “Somewhere that I can crochet helmets for spacemen, and no one will give me grief. Somewhere that my mastery of the elvish language will be appreciated.”


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