Sorry Mike Fontenot, There’s No Way Those Are Megan Fox’s Panties

December 17, 2008

Megan Fox bra

(Chicago, IL) – Mike Fontenot is a great hitter. A versatile fielder. A good teammate. A scrapper. A friend. A Chicago Cubs fan favorite. Yes, Mike Fontenot is many things.

But a ladies man is not one of them.

That’s why when the diminutive second baseman told teammates that he was dating the world’s hottest woman, Megan Fox, nobody believed him.

Fontenot arrived to an off-season team meeting Saturday with a smile on his face, a spring in his step, and if eyewitness reports are accurate, an unnecessary cup in his Levi’s.

Megan Fox ass

When teammates confronted the normally glum Fontenot about his chipper disposition, his explanation was surprising to say the least.

“He said he had a new girlfriend,” Ryan Theriot said. “And I’ve seen the girls he usually dates. No one would smile about those hog beasts. So I knew something was different. And that’s when he said he was dating Megan Fox.”

Yes, that Megan Fox. International superstar and biologically-impossibly hot Megan Fox. Fontenot’s teammates were understandably skeptical.

“Look, Mike is a nice guy,” Fontenot’s handsome teammate Mark DeRosa said, “but I mean. How do I say this? You ever see that movie ‘Gremlins’? No, no, I’m not saying he looks like a Gremlin. But, well, you know that little guy, Gizmo?”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t have a girlfriend. And I’m not even saying she isn’t hot. But she isn’t Megan Fox. Making knucklechildren with a Ladies Home Journal featuring an interview with Megan Fox doesn’t make her your girlfriend.”

Megan Fox naked

“I wish he was dating her. I’d make him get me some naked pictures of Megan Fox. And then I’d finally be famous.”

After four or five hours of zingers from teammates, Fontenot had had enough. He stormed out of the clubhouse shouting that he would be back, and he would have proof of his relationship with Megan Fox.

When he came back some 30 minutes later, he stood victoriously, and lifted over his head – so it was eye level for the rest of those in the room – what he claimed was proof of his torrid celebrity love affair: a pair of Megan Fox’s panties.

Megan Fox nude

But from the moment he unveiled his treasure, there were… irregularities.

“Look, all I’m saying,” said DeRosa, “is if you’re going to claim you’re have a pair of Megan Fox’s panties, you should probably make sure they’re like, a lacy number or a thong. Not a pair of Hanes Her Way. Oh, and clean. Make sure they’re clean.”

“And I don’t know where he got those, but he got them fast. It only took him 30 minutes. Here’s what I know. Megan Fox lives in Los Angeles, a couple thousand miles away. I know what you’re thinking, maybe he had them at his place. Well, Mike lives way up North, approximately 45 minutes from Wrigley Field.”

“Mike’s mom lives about four blocks away. I’m just saying. You do the math.”

Ok, one more gratuitous Megan Fox picture. And for similar gratuity and humor, check out Anna Kournikova, Erin Andrews and Danica Patrick. Don’t judge us. Just enjoy.

Megan Fox topless


16 Responses to “Sorry Mike Fontenot, There’s No Way Those Are Megan Fox’s Panties”

  1. Clapp on December 17th, 2008 3:05 pm

    Haha. Fontenot would be a better option for her than the d-bag she’s really with:

    It makes me sick.

  2. NEWSBRIEF: Reggie Bush on Relationship with Kim Kardashian: “There’s a chick attached to that ass?” | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on December 19th, 2008 9:02 am

    [...] Kim Kardashian sexy pictures to follow (not that we’ve done it before with Megan Fox, Danica Patrick, Anna Kournikova, and Erin [...]

  3. Sealy on December 19th, 2008 10:49 am

    she should be with a-rod instead of madonna.

  4. Edelweiss on December 27th, 2008 1:22 am

    This entire blog was written by a man who knows nothing about women, and I doubt if any of it is true. First of all, if Mike Fontenot were dating Megan Fox, he would not brag; he would just bring her to places where his team-mates were.
    Secondly, his parents do not live in Chicago. Thirdly, just because he is cuddly and cute, does not preclude his getting a hot woman. Apparently, you have never been in a woman’s bedroom. Single women have their beds covered with cute, cuddly stuffed animals. Cute works better than arrogance, which Mike has none of. Just read all those blogs, where girls are drooling over his pictures. If Mike had a little more self-confidence, he could get any woman he wanted. I am a grandmother of both boys and girls, some of them Mike’s age, and I dated in the sexy 60′s, so I know something about male-female relationships. Shame on you, Mark DeRosa; I think you are a little jealous of mike!

  5. gina on January 4th, 2009 6:12 am

    im a gurl and i wuld “do” and or Rape megan fox jk im in love 4real

  6. Ade fajar on January 10th, 2009 12:23 pm

    Hallo Mogan. how are you ?

    you very beautyfull girl

  7. arif Haque on January 17th, 2009 10:03 am

    I want peacefull world

  8. amber on January 25th, 2009 7:21 pm

    omg!!! imma straight girl nd even i no megan fox is effin sexy!!! any1 who doesnt is retarded… mike im sorry, u COULD NOT EVER GET MEGAN FOX!!! there ur moms panties u loser!

  9. pissed off on May 28th, 2009 9:49 pm

    yea whoever wrote this article definitely doesn’t know mike very well. mike definitely is not dating megan fox and his girlfriend IS gorgeous! i love how people try to start things and try to ruin the lives of other people just because they are jealous of what they don’t have.

  10. Ace on June 2nd, 2009 10:12 pm

    Are you an actual retarded person? I mean, it’s totally ok if you are, but I felt compelled to ask so that I might help guide you through the mine field that is the internets.

  11. Lee on October 13th, 2009 10:41 am

    Why do so many retarded people comment on this website?

  12. Anonymous on December 21st, 2009 12:58 am

    I dont think the last pic is Megan. Megan has a tattoo on her hip. It should have been visible.

  13. J on July 9th, 2010 1:58 pm

    Pthere is no way those are Megan fox’s panties but anyway I want to fuck her

  14. Anonymous on August 21st, 2010 3:43 pm

    u a prety girly and i like than

  15. Allie on September 14th, 2010 8:41 am

    First of all, Mike had a girlfriend at this point in time. Second, he CAN get a pretty girl. And Third, Mike is a terrific guy. Looks DON’T AND SHOULDN’T matter in any tye of relationship. I love Mike to death and he’s a sweetheart. His fiancee and soon to be wife, Ashley, is very pretty. So, the guy who wrote this blog, get your facts straight before you make someone look ridiculous. You don’t know Mike personally and if he did or didn’t date Megan Fox & he read this, he’d probably be offended. Just Saying. You wouldn’t like it if we said something like this about you, don’t make stuff up about Mike.

  16. canada goose jacket outlet on December 6th, 2012 3:55 am

    “Sorry Mike Fontenot, There’s No Way Those Are Megan Fox’s Panties”
    very very fun?

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