Cubs Convention-Goers Passionately Await Joey Gathright Introduction

January 16, 2009

joey gathright fans

(Chicago, IL) – The annual Cubs Convention kicks off today, and takes place through the weekend. Cubs fans get a chance to see and hear from players, coaches and management. And if they’re lucky, they may even get to meet a star or two.

And if they’re really, really lucky, they may get to see one jump a car.

Among the scheduled events, and taking place every year, is the introduction of the newest Cubs. This year, the team will welcome a few new players, but one big signing in the outfield is what has all the fans buzzing: Joey Gathright.

“I don’t know if I can control my excitement,” Cubs fan and Lakeview resident Paula Creane said Friday. “I love Joey and I can’t wait to see him introduced as a Cub. I just can’t control the excitement. I might pee my pants. No seriously. It’s a medical thing.”

Gathright, perhaps known best for his ability to jump cars in Youtube videos, hit an underwhelming .254 with a .583 OPS last year.

“Finally getting to see Aaron Miles in Cubbie Blue is a close second, but Joey Gathright is the real deal.” One fan shouted.

“It’s just such a different signing for the Cubs,” Raymone Buck, a 43-year-old fan said. “A real flashy, impact player signing. Gathright is a guy that is going to bring excitement to every game and every at bat. Will he get a hit? Will he steal first base? Will he actually contact the ball at all? You just don’t know.”

“I’ll tell you one thing, he’s way more exciting than that button-down borefest that is Milton Bradley.”

“Thank God that the Cubs haven’t traded for Jake Peavy so I don’t have to sit through some long-winded introduction about how he’s this great pitcher, Cy Young award, best rotation in baseball, blah blah blah.”

Fans are already lining up to see the Cubs introduce Gathright at the Convention.

“We all want to know what he’s going to do,” Creane said. “I heard he was going to jump Jim Hendry.”

“No, no,” Buck shouted, hearing Creane’s speculation. “They’re bringing in an elephant, and he’s going to jump on its back and surf.”

“And then he’s going to race a cheetah.”

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