Milton Bradley Wastes Injury in Meaningless Spring Training Game

February 27, 2009

(Mesa, AZ) – The big offseason signing for the Chicago Cubs this year was outfielder Milton Bradley. Bradley, who led the American League in OPS last year, is as well known for his hot temper and fragile body as he is for his excellent play on the field.

So when he left his first Spring Training game with a strained quad yesterday, fans and management were naturally concerned.

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Teammates Question Ryan Theriot’s Offseason “Workout Regimine”

February 23, 2009

ryan-theriot-ripped(Mesa, AZ) – The Chicago Cubs showed up to spring training last week rested and ready to take on the world. For most, the rest helps, but only leads to a hunger and drive to win the next year. For some, though, the rest can lead to lethargy and complacency in keeping in shape during the long winter months.

So it is always a bit of a breath-holding-moment when the players finally do show up for camp. Who stayed in shape? Who put on weight? This year, when those questions popped up, they were decidedly focused in one player’s direction.

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Ted Lilly Wishes People Would Endlessly Debate Where He Should Bat in the Lineup

February 20, 2009

(Mesa, AZ) – Heated discussions about the Chicago Cubs batting order have become a regular part of the spring, and this year is proving to be no exception. As it was last year, the key matter of debate is whether or not Alfonso Soriano should be batting leadoff for the Cubs.

The players and coaches, for the most part appear to be growing weary of the endless discussion. But one player feels like the lineup hasn’t been debated enough.

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Crazy Milton Bradley Insanely Shows Up to Spring Training Early

February 18, 2009

(Mesa, AZ) – The Chicago Cubs positional players reported to spring training yesterday, with only a few stragglers remaining for various legitimate reasons.

But oh that Milton Bradley. Unlike his teammates, Bradley did not show up on Tuesday. Inexplicably, he arrived in Arizona several days earlier.

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Carlos Zambrano Disappointed, Troubled to Learn Secret Admirer is Geovany Soto

February 13, 2009

zambrano-admirer(Mesa, AZ) – This weekend is incredibly special for two reasons. First, of course, is that pitchers and catchers are reporting to spring training, and the 2009 baseball season is getting underway. But second, and only slightly less exciting, is Valentine’s Day.

Usually a subdued event around the Cubs’ Mesa workout facilities, this year Cupid’s arrow is striking right at the heart of the team. And the results are as scary as they are sweet.

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Cubs Reluctant to Approve Carlos Marmol’s “Pitch Every Single Day of the Year” Approach

February 11, 2009

(Chicago, IL) – We’re just a few days away from pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training, and Chicago Cubs management is buzzing with excitement about this year’s squad.

But one item has the front office and manager Lou Piniella concerned. Projected closer Carlos Marmol, who threw more out of the pen than almost any other reliever in baseball last year, is pitching in a great deal of competitive ball, before the season even starts.

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Drug Use Explains Alex Rodriguez’s Gross Old Woman Fetish

February 9, 2009

(New York, NY) – By now you, and everyone else in the world, has heard about Alex Rodriguez’s positive test for steroids in 2003. The reaction has been as swift as it has been hostile.

But it hasn’t been universally so. In fact, the reaction from many of those closest to Rodriguez has been that of relief. Read more

Michael Phelps Signs Endorsement Deal with Funyuns

February 6, 2009

michael phelps funyuns stoner

(Los Angeles, CA) – Six months ago, you couldn’t go anywhere without seeing and hearing the news about America’s golden boy, Michael Phelps. He had just done what no other person had ever done: he won eight gold medals in a single Olympics.

Flash forward six months, and once again, you can’t go anywhere without seeing and hearing the news about America’s golden boy, Michael Phelps. But this time, the news is less flattering. Read more

Casual Cubs Fan Really Hoping Player to Be Named Later is Brian Roberts

February 4, 2009

orioles brian roberts

(Chicago, IL) – Curtis Leonard admits he doesn’t follow the Chicago Cubs as closely as some of his friends. But he still considers himself a fan, albeit a self-described, “casual Cubs fan.”

So when Leonard found out that pitcher Rich Hill had been traded to the Baltimore Orioles for a player to be named later, he instantly got very excited at the possibilities.

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Unable to Lure Jerome Bettis Out of Retirement, Steelers Sign Actual Bus

February 2, 2009

pittsburgh steelers bus

(Tampa, Fla.) – The Pittsburgh Steelers, for the second time since 2005, have won the Super Bowl, beating the Arizona Cardinals in the big game last night, 27-23. It was an exciting, back and forth affair, but in the end, the AFC Champion Steelers were too physical, too powerful, and too much for the Cardinals.

When the Steelers won it all in 2005, they were led by running back Jerome Bettis, nicknamed the Bus for his powerful style. Bettis retired immediately after that Super Bowl victory, but the Steelers never quite got over his absence.

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