Michael Phelps Signs Endorsement Deal with Funyuns

February 6, 2009

michael phelps funyuns stoner

(Los Angeles, CA) – Six months ago, you couldn’t go anywhere without seeing and hearing the news about America’s golden boy, Michael Phelps. He had just done what no other person had ever done: he won eight gold medals in a single Olympics.

Flash forward six months, and once again, you can’t go anywhere without seeing and hearing the news about America’s golden boy, Michael Phelps. But this time, the news is less flattering.

Earlier this week, Phelps was photographed smoking marijuana out of a particularly righteous looking bong. Though he apologized profusely for his mistake, many wondered if it would be enough to keep his fans. And perhaps more importantly, whether it would be enough to keep his lucrative sponsorship deals.

As it turns out, it doesn’t really matter, because Phelps just picked up one of the most valuable endorsement deals in sports history: Phelps will be endorsing Funyuns snacks.

“It was pretty incredible how it happened,” Phelps said. “And it’s obviously a perfect fit.” Phelps recalls how he landed the deal with a gigantic, absent smile on his face:

“I was telling my buddies that we had to get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man. Some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars. A whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows, and little chocolate bars, and we can make s’mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap’n Crunch with the little Crunch berries. Pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on ‘em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyuns.”

“And this Frito Lays rep heard me say it, and offered me the gig on the spot.”

Funyuns are a cornmeal-based, round snack treat. They are covered lightly in onion-flavored powder.

The deal is worth a reported $55 million over the next three years, but Phelps has been given the option of receiving his payout in Funyuns. And based on his comments at a press conference announcing the deal, he may accept it that way.

“Dude. We’re here to talk about Funyuns. Onion Funyuns. They are Funyuns because they are fun. And delicious, and round. Like a ring. And you can see through it in the middle, and that’s what we do. What we do with it. With each other. We see the middle of each other. Together. Togetherness. We… um. What were we talking about?”

Comments

7 Responses to “Michael Phelps Signs Endorsement Deal with Funyuns”

  1. someguy on February 17th, 2009 1:05 pm

    Funyuns and weed Michael Phelp’s Champion food!

  2. Anonymous on November 16th, 2009 12:13 am

    who the heck roat that

  3. Katie Berns on April 16th, 2011 2:03 pm

    this is bull crap its obvious that it photoshopped. don’t believe anything on this website. michael phelps would never endorsed food that unheathly.

  4. Ace on April 17th, 2011 1:32 pm

    Not believing anything on this site is a good first step. Going back to high school is the second.

  5. Really? on May 30th, 2011 1:02 pm

    For fuck sake, it’s a joke, and a reference to the movie “Half Baked”.

  6. Super Bowl food questions you were afraid to ask: nachos - News One Network on February 1st, 2013 3:57 pm

    [...] Funyuns – Interesting onion-like flavor, unique shape, and have a glowing endorsement. [...]

  7. Super Bowl food questions you were afraid to ask: nachos - Alekin on February 1st, 2013 3:59 pm

    [...] Funyuns – Interesting onion-like flavor, unique shape, and have a glowing endorsement. [...]

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