Drug Use Explains Alex Rodriguez’s Gross Old Woman Fetish
February 9, 2009
(New York, NY) – By now you, and everyone else in the world, has heard about Alex Rodriguez’s positive test for steroids in 2003. The reaction has been as swift as it has been hostile.
But it hasn’t been universally so. In fact, the reaction from many of those closest to Rodriguez has been that of relief.When approached about the positive test, Rodriguez’s Yankee teammates were surprisingly candid, and surprisingly happy.
“I was absolutely thrilled to hear the news,” Derek Jeter said. “I mean, I’m not glad that he’s juicing, but to know he’s been using drugs these last few years is such a relief. It explains so much.”
“For the last couple of years, A-Rod had, um, changed,” Jeter continued. “We used to go clubbing together, and he could always reel in the hot chicks. But lately, he’s only been into old chicks. Really, really old chicks. You know, the kind of old chick who used to be maybe ok looking about 30 years ago?”
Jeter wasn’t the only Yankee awash in relief.
“One time, I walks in on him making out with this really old broad,” Jorge Posada said. “It was disgusting. I swear to God she had an oxygen tank. I shouted at him, I mean, how could you be doing this, Alex? I knew in my heart there had to be a pharmaceutical explanation for it.”
“He’s been on drugs. It all makes sense.”