Drug Use Explains Alex Rodriguez’s Gross Old Woman Fetish

February 9, 2009

(New York, NY) – By now you, and everyone else in the world, has heard about Alex Rodriguez’s positive test for steroids in 2003. The reaction has been as swift as it has been hostile.

But it hasn’t been universally so. In fact, the reaction from many of those closest to Rodriguez has been that of relief.When approached about the positive test, Rodriguez’s Yankee teammates were surprisingly candid, and surprisingly happy.

“I was absolutely thrilled to hear the news,” Derek Jeter said. “I mean, I’m not glad that he’s juicing, but to know he’s been using drugs these last few years is such a relief. It explains so much.”

“For the last couple of years, A-Rod had, um, changed,” Jeter continued. “We used to go clubbing together, and he could always reel in the hot chicks. But lately, he’s only been into old chicks. Really, really old chicks. You know, the kind of old chick who used to be maybe ok looking about 30 years ago?”

Jeter wasn’t the only Yankee awash in relief.

“One time, I walks in on him making out with this really old broad,” Jorge Posada said. “It was disgusting. I swear to God she had an oxygen tank. I shouted at him, I mean, how could you be doing this, Alex? I knew in my heart there had to be a pharmaceutical explanation for it.”

“He’s been on drugs. It all makes sense.”

Comments

3 Responses to “Drug Use Explains Alex Rodriguez’s Gross Old Woman Fetish”

  1. Chris on February 11th, 2009 12:15 am

    I’m sure you may have heard that Brian Mcnamee was on Howard Stern the other day. Stern had this hysterical exchange with Brian concerning A-Rod that went something along the lines of (not word for word, but you’ll get the idea);
    ———————————————————————————————————–
    Stern: Besides the obvious effect of taking steroids, does steroid use mess with your vision?

    McNamee; Uh, no, why?

    Stern: Well, you’ve seen Madonna, right? You’re sure A-Rod’s vision wasn’t messed up due to steroids?
    ———————————————————————————————————–
    I thought it was funny, almost drove my car off the road.

  2. Ace on February 11th, 2009 8:08 am

    Ha, no I hadn’t heard that. I would say that great minds think alike, but I’m not sure that Stern or I are great minds.

  3. Teammates Question Ryan Theriot’s Offseason “Workout Regimine” | The Cubs Brickyard - Chicago Cubs Jokes, Sports Parody News, and Blog on February 23rd, 2009 8:25 am

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