Crazy Milton Bradley Insanely Shows Up to Spring Training Early

February 18, 2009

(Mesa, AZ) – The Chicago Cubs positional players reported to spring training yesterday, with only a few stragglers remaining for various legitimate reasons.

But oh that Milton Bradley. Unlike his teammates, Bradley did not show up on Tuesday. Inexplicably, he arrived in Arizona several days earlier.

Bradley has a history of erratic behavior, and the Cubs say they expected such signs of insanity.

“Yes, we expected some issues,” manager Lou Piniella said. “Some eccentricities. But this? And so soon? It’s just hard to know how to handle it.”

“It just doesn’t make any sense,” Piniella continued. “It’s like he didn’t know the day he was supposed to arrive, or didn’t care, or actually wanted to arrive early for work. Which is just too crazy to think about right now. I can’t handle it.”

Bradley says he was just trying to get to camp early to get a head start on the season, in an effort to stay healthy and productive for the entire 2009 season.

“I’m really excited to be a part of this team, and I just want to do everything I can to help us succeed,” Bradley said.

When informed of Bradley’s statements, Piniella nearly broke down.

“It’s really unnerving. I’m supposed to manage these guys, but now I’ve got an obviously unstable person running around, showing up early for things, saying he wants to help the team succeed. All kinds of crazy [stuff]. I saw him in the shower earlier, and he was just walking around without his clothes on.”

Teammates say they also fear for their safety.

“We were doing fielding drills earlier, and I made a pretty nice diving catch,” Reed Johnson said. “And instead of congratulating me, and telling me what a nice catch it was, Milton came over and physically struck me on the backside. I would report it, but I know he can’t help himself.”

At least one teammate, who asked to remain anonymous, said that he was hesitant to be around Bradley for extended periods of time for “fear that Bradley might eat [his] genitals.”


2 Responses to “Crazy Milton Bradley Insanely Shows Up to Spring Training Early”

  1. Josh on February 18th, 2009 10:46 pm

    I wanted to tell you how damn funny your articles are. I’ve been getting your feed for a couple of months now, and your posts are always worth a few good laughs. That Ronny Cedeno one from a month back killed me. Anyways, keep up the good work.

  2. Ace on February 20th, 2009 8:11 am

    Thanks, Josh. That is some high praise, and I really appreciate it.

Got something to say?

You must be logged in to post a comment.