Kevin Gregg Had No Idea He Was Still Wearing Gigantic Glasses

March 17, 2009

Spring Training is nearing its last two weeks, and the battle for the closer role is reaching a fever pitch. Up for the job are last year’s top setup man, Carlos Marmol, and newly-acquired former Marlin closer Kevin Gregg.

So far, manager Lou Piniella has been tight-lipped as to who the man might be, but sources indicate Gregg has the inside track due to his intensity, experience, fortitude, and massively awesome glasses.

“I took one look at that kid,” Piniella said this week, “and I knew that was the guy. He looks so smart and sophisticated. He screams closer.”

Indeed, Gregg has sported some tremendous glasses in the past. But naming him closer on that basis alone seems pretty specious – particularly considering Gregg had no idea he was still wearing them.

“Oh shit,” Gregg said, hastily removing the gigantic glasses that nearly covered his entire face. “How long have I had these things on?”

“I don’t even need corrective eye wear,” Gregg confessed, wondering why someone wouldn’t have just told him how ridiculous he looked. “I put them on three years ago when I was cutting up some timber. Wanted to protect the eyes, you know. I must have forgotten about them. What an idiot I must have looked like.”


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