Citing Waning Interest in Long Spring Training, Lou Piniella Plans to Jump Jeff Samardzija

March 27, 2009


(Mesa, AZ) – Spring Training has entered its dog days – which is surprising, given that Spring Training typically doesn’t last long enough to have dog days – and fans are getting restless for meaningful action.

That listlessness is not lost on Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella. The spry 65 year old says he isn’t ready to give up on the Spring, and he has got a plan to get interest back up.

“Look, I know Spring Training isn’t what it used to be,” Piniella says as he elbows himself between two buxom Spring breakers. “But it’s still fun, and I am going to prove it to everyone.”

How will he do it?

“I’m going to jump Jeff Samardzija.”

Piniella says jumping Samardzija is the only way to prove that Spring Training is still cool.

“I haven’t decided how to jump him yet. I might do it on my Harley. I might use a pogo stick. Or I might just do a backflip right over him, and then smooch some ladies.”

For his part, Samardzija – nicknamed “Shark” – says he’s on board with the stunt, as long as Piniella shows him some of his best moves.

Piniella says he doesn’t much care for the criticism he’s received over the idea.

“Some people suggested that maybe I’m a little too old for stunts like this, or that maybe someone like Alfonso Soriano should do it. But let me tell you. When you’re still getting high quality tail like I am, and I mean like 60 and younger, you feel like you can do anything. Well, with pharmaceutical help, of course.”

Piniella ended the interview by attempting to start a near-by jukebox with a hearty nudge, and unfortunately he suffered a slight crack in his elbow. The jumping stunt is now on hold pending Piniella’s recovery.


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