Aramis Ramirez’s Shoulder Relocates to Chase Utley
May 13, 2009
(Chicago, IL) – Chicago Cubs fans have been lamenting injuries all season, and none moreso than the injury to star third baseman Aramis Ramirez. While diving to stop a Ryan Braun hit, Ramirez landed awkwardly and dislocated his left shoulder.
But where did his shoulder re-locate to?
One would assume that when a shoulder dislocates, it merely moves slightly out of the joint. But apparently, Aramis Ramirez’s shoulder had much more sinister plans in its move. When it dislocated, it move straight into Chase Utley.
“Look, I’m not going to sit here and tell you it was a nice thing that I did,” Ramirez’s former shoulder said Tuesday from the comfort of Chase Utley’s armpit. “But it was the right move for me. Ramirez is getting on in years, and takes a lot of chances with his body. But with Chase, I’m protected.”
“And now, he’s got three shoulders,” the inhuman joint continued. “Can you imagine the kind of numbers we’re going to put up together?”
“Now if we can just get Heidi Klum’s breasts to move over, it’ll be perfect.”